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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: sobriety

Why We’re Here

31 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, My Testimony, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

God, heaven, Job, Job of the Bible, Satan, sobriety, spirits, stress, struggles, struggles as opportunities, suffering, visceral learning, why we're here, wizard of oz

Why I think we’re here on this planet. I believe these things because of my own experiences after 40 years sober.

Does God ‘test’ us? No, I don’t think so.

I don’t think it’s God who is doing these terrible things we experience here. I think Satan rules this world and is the author of all our sorrows. Satan is the one who relishes our pain. Not God.

Think about the story of Job.

God made sure we knew that it wasn’t Him who wreaked havoc with Job. He allowed Satan to do it. But not for what Satan thought. “To get him good!” God had another idea for it all. He had something in mind to do to Job and, at the same time, relay information to us (when we have to go through Job experiences) through the story. It was all in His plan. But in the story He, on purpose, wanted to  make it very clear that he doesn’t do stuff like that to us. He is our Father and wants us to know that the shit we go through does not come from Him. He doesn’t want us to run from Him as though the shit we’re going through comes from His throne. He wants us to run away from Satan – and to – Him. Just like He knew Job would do.

But He does allow for shit to happen. He allows Satan to run rampant through our lives while we’re here.

Why?

I think it’s quite a sophisticated plan He has devised. Unbeknownst to Satan, He’s is using that evil being for His own purposes. Purposes for our good.

Because, while we’re here, using Satan as His tool,  God is giving us the fortunate opportunity to learn things through experiencing them and, using the free will He blessed us with, make some very important decisions based on those visceral experiences. While our spirits are without bodies we are unable to learn some very important things that cannot be taught through ‘book learning’ in the heavenlys.  So He sends us here to go through ‘on-the-job training’. Book learning helps to gain knowledge to some extent, but it’s the on-the-job training that allows us to learn things in much deeper ways than simply talking about them in class. It was all about getting through to our ‘viscera’.  Way down to that deep place, where we truly live and breathe.

In the story, Job went through a deep period of on-the-job-training as he experienced all those stressful things. The loss of his livelihood, his children (who, by the way didn’t die as no spirit ever dies in God’s realm. Spirits just go back to be with God. Remember, He reclaimed all of them in a very quick and painless way), and his health. What happened in the end of all this stress? He was given the gift of hitting an emotional bottom. And why is hitting bottom a gift? Because it is a very good vehicle for separating us from ‘old ideas’ we cling to that don’t serve us well; misconstrued ideas we clung to while in spirit where we weren’t able to get opportunities to go through stresses strong enough to sever them from us. Stresses that force us to make desperate decisions. To make us desperately want (the key) to pick up new ideas, and not just feel like we need to – or (even worse) feel we ‘should’ (ugg!!). Ideas that pertain to relating and relying on God and wanting to truly rest in His love. And truly realizing, that in the universe of real reality, where there’s furious forces of good and evil,  just how ‘powerless’ we actually are. Only God knows how to do battle with of the forces of evil. We need to choose Him and run from the evil – not the other way around. That’s why it’s very important to understand that it’s not God who’s causing the pain. He is the salve, run to Him, not away. Remember, in the story, He specifically stated that the stress came from the Evil One. It was Satan who started the craziness – not God.

Before everything happened to Job, God knew he was going to pick his God and not curse Him. But he loved Job and wanted him to be blessed in a very deep and meaningful way; to become intimate with our God like he’d never been before and to gain a new and more wonderful relationship with Him.

Realize this. At the end, God came to Job! He did not just leave him to suffer torment forever, but only for the time it took to learn something. As a result of the temporary experience of suffering, Job was changed. In his bottom, Jobs’ ears were opened in a new and deep way so that he was able to hear and assimilate information God was now able to convey to him at viscera level.  The suffering emptied Job and allowed him to take in a new understanding of God because it changed him down to his DNA. He was now able – to viscerally incorporate – this new information.  God didn’t convey this information to his buddies, nor to us as we’re only reading it in a book, but to Job alone. They (and we) could not get it the way Job now could. And because of this Job was blessed. Job chose God instead of choosing the other way (not Him), and because of that now knew God in a way that he’d never known Him up until that time. And when the dust settled, God blessed his life more than it had ever been blessed before. Job gained everything he’d lost – and so much more. The ‘dross’ of riches (that keep us from entering the kingdom of God) were torn away and he could come out from it now with a new richer and more rewarding walk with God on top of all his regained worldly riches and health. Because God loved Job – soooo much!!!

Job was a special guy in Gods’ eyes. God said this of His beloved Job in 1:8

“Then the Lord said to Satan,

Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears (awes) God and shuns evil.

I have had Job experiences, as I am sure you have too. Huge storms of stress. And in these, I do my best to always choose God. And, after the dust settles, making this choice has only served to make my life even more blessed. My life is better than I could ever have imagined it could be. But it’s not over yet. The storms are not over yet as I know I still have a few more old ideas I can’t stop clinging to without the help of suffering to separate me for them. But so far so good. Though not Job’s station, from where I came from, I too am already living a more and more JOB BLESSED LIFE!!!

God talks to all of us – just like He talked to Job. He talks to me too and, like Job, I do my best – to listen.

 *********************

I love ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

After everything was over and Glinda is talking to Dorothy, she says to her.

I couldn’t teach you this. You had to learn it for yourself.

And what did Dorothy learn?

That there is no place like ‘home’.

Before, Dorothy didn’t appreciate her home. She tried to run away from it. But afterwards, her heart wanted home like she’d never wanted it before.

My home is with God. And I know to my very heart, that for peace, joy, happiness, there’s no place like being with Him.

*********************

ps – when I am at the end of what I can take, I get under my soft blue blanket; curl up in a fetal position; let go of ‘the fight’; and say…

Help

But there’s a catch to this. The fruit (of old ideas) has to be ripe enough to fall away from the tree (you). And for this to happen, time is required for the ripening. Time to let the storms play out. As far as I know, there’s no way around walking through the necessary time to allow the fruit to become ripe enough to fall off. No short cuts. Time is required. Simple time.

Try the blanket trick though as much as you can – until your fruit is ripe enough for the magic to happen. I can’t really explain what the metamorphosis feels like, but you’ll know it when you get there.

So choose God. Always, always, always choose God.

A Letter to My AA Friend Stewart

10 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, class, friendship, God, god's gifts, marathons, presents, school, sober, sobriety

To my dear sober AA friend,
(excerpts from a letter I wrote to my friend Stewart)

While I was on vacation I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time sitting on the sand dunes where I read and did some writing. The writing started to pick up faster and faster until I was going at it at a furious pace. I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I gathered together in words some of the things I’ve come across in my sober journey. In 30 years a lot of stuff’s come across my desk but most of it just whirls around in my head – there’s been no solidity. So I decided to try to create a holding place for some of this stuff. To get it more clear in my own mind and to share via paper with others if they care to know. This way I won’t be cornering them but at the same time get a small sense that I’m contributing.

Continue reading →

The Day I Was Freed from the Obsession to Drink

16 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12-step, alcholics anonymous, alcoholism, christianity, God, sobriety, spirituality, visions

It was a dark and stormy night….

No… really… It was a dark and stormy night. I was six years sober at the time. SIX YEARS SOBER AND I STILL HAD THE OBSESSION TO DRINK! YIKES!

Don’t ask my how I could have pulled that off. How can a drunk, who is drooling for a drink, not drink… for six years. Fear. That’s all I can say. Plain fear. Unadulterated fear. I’d had a vision of my life if I’d continued down the drinking path, and it wasn’t pretty. It was a horror movie. God showed me my future in living color six years before that, and I couldn’t deny the truth of that future if I continued to drink the way I was doing. And I couldn’t stop the drinking the way I was doing it. So I dragged myself to A.A. and they got me sober.

Continue reading →

No “Uncover; Discover; Discard” for me.

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aa slogans, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

I want to apologize for the quality of my writing lately. Since the writing of the above post, I haven’t been getting very good sleep and, even though I’ve seen my psychiatrist three times in the last two weeks, the medication regime adjustments for the Bipolar, have not yet helped very much.

I don’t think that the AA slogan: “Uncover; Discover; Discard” is something to try to push an alcoholic, who was abused as a child, to do. Furthermore, I don’t think it is a saying that Bill and Bob would have approved of either.

Continue reading →

I Can’t Believe What I Did! I Can’t Believe What I Did!

21 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, relationship, renewal, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

 (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

*  *  *

Hi guys!

I just have to tell you about what happened to me a couple days ago. I’m so excited I’m busting a gut! It’s very short, but here’s the story…

Continue reading →

‘Out In The Field’ With God

14 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Holy Spirit, Paradigm shift, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

Hi Pastor D & K,   (both of them are therapists)

(sorry this is so long – I couldn’t make it any shorter and still say what I needed to say).

I’ve been out in the field with God for a long time, but have taken many long, long  ‘breaks’ (through various addictions) from my studies. Though I’ve been freed from alcohol obsession for 34 years, I’ve been substituting many other secondary addictions to take it’s place. I could not stop these other addictions myself, so I’ve been praying, for all my sober 34 years, to have these other addictions removed. With all my heart, I’ve wanted “No other gods before God”.

Continue reading →

A Brutally Honest E-Mail I Sent To My AA Friend

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, drugs, God, mental illness, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

(I wrote this e-mail to an AA friend/sponsor, after waking up at 4 am from out of the haze of several very tricky victim dreams. I have used tricks in the past to deal with these types of dreams, but this time they were so tricky that none of the tricks I’ve used, to neutralize them, worked. This is why I decided to get up and write this e-mail to my AA friend.)

Continue reading →

It’s A Strange New World

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, personality integration, PTSD, recovery, sobriety, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Begin A Social Outcast )

I used to have difficult feelings of aloneness and rejection because of being mostly alone here in blog-world, but this is changing. I still feel like I’m pretty much alone here, but since the ability to God/Self Soothe has ‘clicked in’ (by going through what I did the last 2 months) I’m definitely holding within myself, a dramatically different view of this aloneness. I think what I’ve been doing so far has really pushed me around the corner in my ability to adapt to inner and outer stresses. I really do believe I’ve come to a place where God is truly my ‘center’ – for everything.

Continue reading →

This is ‘Space Mountain’

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

abstinence, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, disney land, PTSD, sobriety, space mountain, terror, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

So…. About Space Mountain.

Continue reading →

A Trip on Space Mountain

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Anxiety, C-PTSD, child abuse, PTSD, sobriety, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

This is a post on the continuing saga of my ‘friend’ telling me to take a hike and my going through the ensuring storm without running to any addictive substances or obsessive behaviors.

Continue reading →

My Journey Out From Under the Gun of a Psychopath

15 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

anti-social, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, cptsd, post traumatic stress disorder, psychopath, PTSD, relationship, sobriety, trauma, trauma bonding, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Trauma Bonding and Living with a Psychopath

My father was a psychopath. He’s dead now. As a child I lived with him. He never left the family, so I lived with him my whole growing up.

Continue reading →

PTSD

04 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

My friend said good bye to me. We had been meeting every week; Tuesdays from three to five. Every week for three years. We studied Christian books together. “The Names of God”; “Lord Heal My Hurts”; “The Way of Agape”

Last week she told me she didn’t want to meet with me anymore. It was yesterday that we met for the last time. Now she’s gone.

My head knows why she did it. She had to. Her daughter had foisted three of her grand children on her to babysit everyday. She was homeschooling the twelve year old. The six year old had downs syndrome and ADHA, and the  baby of eight months was a screamaholic. She’s sixty two and has battled cancer in her past. Last week the daughter moved to Southern California and out of her life. My relief and worry for her was finally over. So my head understands that she desperately needed a break. She said that first she was going to sleep for a month, then see the Grand Canyon, and then work on her book. It was completely understandable why she did it.

But not all of me is cooperating with the head.

I’m an addict, using every sort of earthly means I could lay my hands on to dissociate from pain. “Any port in a storm”, so they say. Alcohol was my drug of choice; then junk food, cigarettes, caffeine, crochet, TV, spending, wandering aimlessly around the house in an overwhelming fog.

But, one-by-one I’ve been barreling through each addiction with the single-mindedness of a cougar going after it’s prey. Since last August I have become determined to be addiction free. I want to run to the arms of the only One I can truly depend upon. The One who comes with no ill after-effects…  God.

But now I am braving the first storm. And it’s a doozy. A hurricane, and I have no where to hide. No addiction to protect me from the raging fury passing directly overhead.

I lay on my bed, on my side, alone in the darkened room. Frozen still while this furious storm rages all around me. Monstrous claps of thunder pulse through my body.

In a thunder clap I am flung into a room. A voice screams at me…

Get in your room!!!

A lightening bolt of PTSD flash-back strikes and I am electrified. Then another, and another. They pierce me with direct hits. Then, in the light of a strike suddenly I become aware that I have been transported…  to 1960.

In the instant flash of light I see something… no… someone. A small girl… huddled in the corner of her room. Her knees pressed tightly against her chest. Her arms wrapped around her knees.  She’s in shock but… strangely… I can hear her thoughts.

What did I do?! Why is he so angry? I must be horrible for him to look at me with so much rage! I’m pure evil. I must be hideous for him to look at me with so much fire in his eyes.

She stares at nothing, almost not believing she came out alive through another savage assault.

Confused… baffled… bewildered… frozen. I see her in the lightening flashes. Petrified by what just happened, she does not move. And I can not move either. I am braving this storm. With each flash I get a glimpse. My eyes are fixated on her form and on her frozen face. I dare not budge. I do not want to miss a single second of this meeting. This memory.

A single tear runs over the bridge of my nose, then down my cheek to the pillow below. As I take her in my arms, this one tear is a miracle.

Together now, we survived the storm. We have both made it through alive.

 

 

 

The 4th Step

23 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

4th step inventory, Alcoholics Anonymous, Anxiety, child abuse, christianity, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Mental disorder, Mental health, PTSD, self-inventory, sobriety, spirituality

I had an illumination at church service today that I thought I’d share.

The pastor was talking about Psalms 139 prayer and relating it to the 4th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Continue reading →

What Exactly is an ‘Alcoholic’?

18 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Addictions, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Big Book, Drink, Health, sober, sobriety, Substance abuse

I’ve been sober since January 15th, 1980. I got sober when I was 25 years old and have stayed sober in AA ever since my first meeting. Getting and staying sober wasn’t an easy road for me. In fact, it was very, very difficult to get my sober legs underneath me.

Continue reading →

Alcohol Obsession Removed – Finally!

13 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, christianity, God, Jesus, Mental disorder, Mental health, mental illness, Paradigm shift, sobriety, spirituality, Substance abuse

I was sober six years when this happened to me.

Around my sixth anniversary sober, I found myself in such excruciating emotional stress that I could bear it no longer. I had not taken a drink of alcohol for six years yet still had the taste for it. As a result, I had what I now call a ‘Showdown at the OK Corral’ with God. I told Him, in no uncertain terms, that if He didn’t do something about this obsession for booze, then I was going to go back out again. So He had better do something… and quick. Boy! Was I mad!!

I gave Him two weeks.

Continue reading →

“The Way of Agape”

13 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Songs & Books

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alcoholism, Bible, Christ, christianity, Chuck Missler, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, Nancy Missler, relationship, sobriety, spirituality

This is a ‘book review’. I know… many of you will just pass it by because of this being a review, but I promise that if you stick around, you will be amazed.

Continue reading →

Doctor Tom – The “Feeling” Specialist

02 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, compulsive overeating, Family, God, Health, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, Overeaters Anonymous, sobriety, spirituality

I’m in an outpatient intensive program for food addiction. I’ve been going there three times a week for the last five weeks on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. But I went last Monday because my husband had a small surgery scheduled during my regular Tuesday time. This is where I met Dr Tom.  I’d met him the week before because I wound up going on a Monday during that week as well. The man fascinated me. He’s into feelings…what they mean… what to learn from them… what to do with them. I think I can learn a lot from this man.

Continue reading →

Testimony: Part 6

24 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Testimony

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

alcoholism, Bipolar disorder, child abuse, Christ, christianity, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Jesus, PTSD, relationship, religion, sobriety, spirituality, testimony

In Conclusion

Do you believe this impossible story?  I can only say that what I have told you is God’s truth.  It happened in 1982, and it’s  still as vivid to me today as though it had happened yesterday.

Continue reading →

Doing the Hard Thing

Featured

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Anger, anti-social, child abuse, Christian, christianity, church, compulsive overeating, God, Holy Spirit, Intimate relationship, Jesus, Mental health, sobriety

Do you want to really know your Father in Heaven?

Do you want to have an intimate relationship with Him?

Do you want to feel His Love, Wisdom and Power in your life?

Well, there’s one way I know of  that will give you this.

It’s called “Doing The Hard Thing.”

Rabbit Climbing Stairs Continue reading →

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
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  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
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  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
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My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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