How to keep up with daily meditation

Tags

blog, blogging, journal, keeping up with meditation, meditating, meditation, meditation calendar, meditation motivation, stickers, therapy

I got this from my therapist. She suggested that I put a star on a calendar when I meditated. This got me thinking. I like stickers – all kinds of goofy stickers.

Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate

Tags

blogging, life's riddle, meditation, personal blog, riddle to life, stickers, what life is all about

So I’m doing my darnedest to do a breathing meditation. It’s been 3 weeks so far. I know this because I have a calendar that I’m putting stickers on to mark the days I do it. So far I haven’t missed a single day. I haven’t missed because I don’t want any days on the calendar that don’t have a sticker on them. Tonight I managed to do it at 8:30 pm. I do it for half an hour in my computer chair with an MS Word document up that I can quickly jot down things I need to remember so I don’t have to hold them in my brain. It’s so difficult trying to do this meditation. Up til now my attempts have met with a 100% failure rate. But with the stickers as motivation, it’s finally coming together.

Meditation Motivation

Tags

Amazon, calendars, daily meditation, difficulty with meditation, meditation, MS Word, page protectors, solfeggio, solfeggio tones, stickers, success with meditation, therapists, therapy

I got this from my therapist.

She suggested that I put a star on a calendar when I meditated. This got me thinking. I like stickers – all kinds of goofy stickers. I put bunches of them on cards that I give to people; birthday cards, get well cards, etc. In fact I have a notebook with probably 50 page protectors that I keep all my stickers in but it’s in storage right now after we moved.  So I thought “I’m going to get me a bunch of stickers from Amazon”. So I went to Amazon and lo and behold, I found a hundred choices of mass quantities of stickers in every conceivable category. So I bought a couple of bunches. I made a calendar on MS Word with large enough boxes and with huge type to put stickers on and tacked it to my wall – and I’m using it!! Boy! am I using it! So far I haven’t missed a day of meditation and it’s been several weeks. Some days I’ve forgotten during the day but I seem to be looking at that calendar just before I go to bed and see that the day will not get a sticker on it. There will be a ‘hole’ in the calendar – and that just won’t due. So I get my 30 minutes in before I go to sleep. And I have the most beautiful calendar – full of bright, colorful, goofy stickers on it. And I am bound and determined get a sticker on each and every day.

I meditate to solfeggio tones. Here’s one I really like.

 

Finding meditation impossible

Tags

amygdala, corpus colosum, dissociation, dissociatve disorder, fighting, inner child work, logic, meditating, meditation, relationship, silly stickers, solfeggio, solfeggio tones, stickers

So I meditated today for 30 minutes just so I could put a sticker on my calendar. I’ve had the hardest time knuckling down and mediating. No matter what I do, I just won’t do it for very long. Maybe a few days but then I always find some reason to not do it. It’s about my little girl inside. She’s the one who doesn’t want to meditate – because she thinks it’s boring.

Monday – 4-2-18

Tags

12-step, Al Anon, being human, exercise, fights, journal, journaling, Marriage, meditation, progress not perfection, PTSD, taking directions, treadmill

I made a little progress with Jerry today. Even the smallest thing triggers both of our PTSD issues. Then we have to fight each other. Well tonight I managed to do something different. I was on the treadmill late. 8 pm – 10 pm. Apparently this didn’t sit well with him and he came into the exercise room and gave me the evil eye. Then he SLAMMED the door shut. I just kept walking and didn’t ‘rise’. When I was done, I came to him in bed and very gently asked; “Why did you slam the door?” He said that I was doing my walking too late and that the TV, which is next to our bedroom, was keeping him awake. So I told him I’d try not to get on the treadmill so late. He said sarcastically; “Try!!??” I didn’t say anything back. The truth of the matter is, I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. I’m human. All I can do is try.

                                                                                                                       

For 38 years in 12 Step Program I have been unable to keep up a meditation routine. Today I finally took my sponsor’s direction about meditating. I sat on my loveseat for 5 minutes and not a second longer. I have to find out why I can’t do it after all these years of trying. Now I’m finally ready to take direction!!

Life is Like a River of Spinning Logs

Tags

God, logs, meditation, peace, rivers

Life is like a fast moving river filled with spinning logs. We spend our lives frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log trying to stay afloat. Mentally, emotionally, physically, we leap.. and leap… and leap. But God lives in the calmly moving depths of the water between the spinning logs. How did I connect to Him there in the depths? How did I stop frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log to get to Him? The answer… one time I stopped leaping. It sounds impossible but one time I sat down on a log and gazed into the water to look for Him… and I found Him there and saw Him return my gaze. It was marvelous. The spinning logs be damned, this is where I finally found peace. I stopped the constant leaping from log to log, and as I sat down on the log I found that it stopped spinning. I sat down for a time and gazed into the water, and He helped me with the constant spinning. And all I did was just sit down.

Suddenly I Can Meditate

Tags

12-step, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, God, inspiration, meditation, Mental health, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

Suddenly I find I can meditate! I’m doing it for an hour a day with almost no trouble at all. AA’s Step 11 (Sought through Prayer and Meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him) was absolutely impossible for me. It used to be, even at 34 years sober, that I couldn’t sit quietly for even a couple of minutes. The goolie and goblins would get me. Those goolies called:

You’re nothing but a piece of shit! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! No body wants you let alone loves you! Why don’t you just go away and die! (etc, etc, etc.)