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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: marriage problems

More – Dealing With My Angry Husband

12 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, blogging, defensiveness, fights, hope, making appoinments with you husband, Marriage, marriage problems, relationship

(go here to find out how this all began)

J came back with a thing I could try to get him to stop laying into me. He said I should say “You’re getting defensive”.  Oh well, it’s worth a shot and I’m ready for anything that might help. Maybe him coming up with it himself, he might be more open to this suggestion. I learned to make appointments with him about relationship issues and that works. Maybe doing this might work too. I can only hope.  (to be continued)

A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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Tags

blog, blogging, control, family motto, I have to take care of myself, letting go of control, Marriage, marriage problems, mottos, relationship

(go here to see how it all began)

So I went back and talked to him some more and what came out was this. We are BOTH vying for control. Both of us. He said it’s because we’re both insecure. This got me thinking. I agree. But why do I feel so insecure? It’s not really about him because this could happen with any man I would be in a relationship with. I’d do the same thing. Struggle for control. Well I was astounded! Here’s the reason – the germ of the problem.

Continue reading →

Grow Up and Be a Man

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm learning about relationships

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Tags

blog, blogging, Husbands, Marriage, marriage problems, on not being perfect, parenting, PTSD triggers

Today we’re going to the dentist to have a new mold made as they broke the first one. Then we’re going to Salem to drop off the first installment for the house we’re building.

The next time J starts yelling I’m going to QUIETLY say;

You’re having a temper tantrum like a little boy. Why don’t you grow up and be a man.

(go here to see it put to the test)

On Whether or Not to Have Children

10 Friday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, parenting, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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Tags

adultry, birth control, child abuse, Children, daycare, divorce, having children, marriage problems, mental health services, reproduction, sex, ted talk, teen sex, teen suicide

I watched a Ted Talk on why people should have children.
https://www.ted.com/talks/wajahat_ali_the_case_for_having_kids?utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=daily&utm_medium=email&utm_content=button__2019-05-09

Well I disagree with this vehemently. And here’s why.

Continue reading →

Monday – 4-30-2018

30 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

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Tags

complex post-traumatic stress disorder, EMDR, fighting, husband & wife, Intimate relationship, marital conflict, Marriage, marriage problems, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships, therapy, verbal abuse

  • How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. - Wayne Dyer

Click here to read the beginning post for this series

I’m sure many people think that verbal abuse isn’t that bad. Those are the people who’ve never been a victim of it. If they’d experienced it, I’m sure they’d be singing a different tune. Being verbally abused feels like getting punched in the face.

Continue reading →

Thursday: 4 – 26 – 2018 – part 2

26 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

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Tags

boundaries, EMDR, Marriage, marriage problems, PTSD, relationships, therapy

To read about the new way in our relationship , click here

So, in response to my request for shoulder moments. I asked Jerry what he would like from me. Here is what he wrote. We will be reading both our pages every day.

  1. Collaboration between both of us.
  2. Patience from her for Jerry’s physical health issues.
  3. Patience from him for Robin’s mental health issues.
  4. Explain each other’s prospective completely before rebuttal starts.
  5. Allow time for each one of us to respond to the issue at hand.
  6. No personal attacks from each other.
  7. Work towards compromise with each other in decision-making.
  8. Ask for forgiveness rather than being judgmental with each other.
    Keep it to the issue at hand and take responsibility for a mistake.
    (this item is still under discussion)
  9. Honor agreements with each other and re-visit agreements when one
    of us is unable to comply as agreed.
  10. We need to define actual needs from wants that pop up from time to time.
  11. If anyone is making noise between 11 pm and 7 am it is that person’s
    responsibility to go to a separate room and close the door.
  12. Take responsibility for our own actions.
  13. Having a basis of mutual respect in the marriage.

This is pretty complicated for me so I asked him to take the reins and let me know when I cross over a line.

Click here for the next post in this series

An e-mail from my sister

25 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

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Tags

couples, dissociatve disorder, EMDR, Family, fighting, husband & wife, Marriage, marriage problems, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships

To read about the beginning of this new chapter in my life, click here

On 4/24/2018 my sister Jacqueline wrote:

Continue reading →

Wednesday 4-11-18

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning in therapy

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Tags

Bessel Van Der Kolk, divorce, EMDR, marriage problems, massage, masseuse, separation, The Body Keeps the Score, therapy

I had my EMDR therapy today. I’ve been reading this book my therapist gave me called; “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD (isbn # 9780670785933). It’s an excellent book on different types of therapy for PTSD victims and childhood abuse PTSD victims. I liked it a lot because he doesn’t just circle around the problem. Half the book is devoted to different kinds of therapy to help PTSD sufferers. One of them is EMDR. There’s a whole chapter devoted to it.

Anyway, I was in the middle of the EMDR session when my problem with Jerry’s screaming came up. My therapist said I didn’t have to live with that sort of thing. Well I’ve been living with it for 30 years now but when I got out of the session something broke inside. Suddenly I have the gumption to move out! I’ve been staying for nothing but financial reasons but the light dawned on this. Jerry and I could make it separately financially. With my inheritance, we paid off two houses and rent on out. I could move back to the rental and make Jerry pay me $600 out of his monthly retirement check. Then we’d both be about even money wise. I had a feeling of freedom.

At the same time this was going on in my head another thought popped in. I think this was from God. I need to get a massage therapy credential. I know I would be a good masseuse. My hands are always warm and dry no matter what the temperature is. And I’ve always gotten compliments from people I have given massages to. So that’s what I’m going to do. I looked up massage schools in the area and a very nice one came up. “Milan Institute” right here is town.

I have decided that after my next EMDR session I will sit Jerry down and tell him that he has 30 days to straighten up his act or I’m out of there by the next 30 since we have to give our renters 30 days notice. That’s a total of 60 days.

I want out of here so badly I can taste it. I want to have my own place that I can decorate just how I want. And I want to be a ladies masseuse. I am thinking I will make my home my base of operations and I will only do women. The idea of being in a house all alone with a man gives me the chills. I was raped when I was 22 and have been skittish about men ever since.

Monday 4-9-18

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

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Tags

Alanon, computer, couples, fighting, Marriage, marriage problems

I haven’t written anything for a couple of days. Not because there wasn’t anything to write about. My computer broke down and I’m writing on my husband’s. Any way, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since I last wrote.

Jerry had a scream-fest on me – again. He was trying to fix my computer but only seemed to make it worse. I was on the phone with my sister who fixes her own computer herself. She made a suggestion about what a possible solution was but when I took it to Jerry he went berserk. He yelled at me for hours. I tried to yell back a little bit but that got me no where. AlAnon says that I’m just supposed to shine him on when he turns on me like that but I’ve only been able to not get sucked in a couple of times. Usually I try to reason with him, then yell back. We went to bed angry that night.

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

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Blogs I Follow

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  • Church Set Free
  • Jean's Writing
  • Sammy Holiday
  • I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
  • #AskMyrtle
  • A WordPress Site
  • follow your nose
  • A Buick in the Land of Lexus
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Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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