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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: fighting

It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

blog, blogging, competency, dealing with men, fighting, Marriage, PTSD, verbal violence

(go here to see how this all began)

J laid into me for touching the air button without asking him first. I didn’t respond to the issue ‘perfectly’ so he gave me a ration. I tried telling him he was having a temper tantrum like a little boy and should grow up but it fell on deaf ears. So I resorted to telling him that when I don’t do things perfectly he goes off on me. What do I do to get him to stop expecting me to be perfect? Maybe just shut up until he’s done? I don’t have a clue but it’s really hard to be laid into when I’m not perfect. I resist. It’s a PTSD trigger. Dad expected me to be perfect too or he beat the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this sort of thing.

Continue reading →

Finding meditation impossible

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

amygdala, corpus colosum, dissociation, dissociatve disorder, fighting, inner child work, logic, meditating, meditation, relationship, silly stickers, solfeggio, solfeggio tones, stickers

So I meditated today for 30 minutes just so I could put a sticker on my calendar. I’ve had the hardest time knuckling down and mediating. No matter what I do, I just won’t do it for very long. Maybe a few days but then I always find some reason to not do it. It’s about my little girl inside. She’s the one who doesn’t want to meditate – because she thinks it’s boring.

Continue reading →

Monday – 4-30-2018

30 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

complex post-traumatic stress disorder, EMDR, fighting, husband & wife, Intimate relationship, marital conflict, Marriage, marriage problems, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships, therapy, verbal abuse

  • How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. - Wayne Dyer

Click here to read the beginning post for this series

I’m sure many people think that verbal abuse isn’t that bad. Those are the people who’ve never been a victim of it. If they’d experienced it, I’m sure they’d be singing a different tune. Being verbally abused feels like getting punched in the face.

Continue reading →

An e-mail from my sister

25 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

couples, dissociatve disorder, EMDR, Family, fighting, husband & wife, Marriage, marriage problems, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships

To read about the beginning of this new chapter in my life, click here

On 4/24/2018 my sister Jacqueline wrote:

Continue reading →

Monday – 4-16-18

16 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

communication, fighting, fights, intimacy, Intimate relationship, Marriage, opportunity, relationship, relationships, taking charge

See this post about our ‘New Way Relationship’

Jerry and I had another opportunity to practice our ‘new way’ relationship. He was fixing something on my computer when I bent down in front of him to put a reminder post-it on my post-it board. At first he got a little flustered but he refrained from screaming. Instead, he told me that he was just about to hit a function key but I got in the way and he missed his opportunity. I said I was sorry profusely . Then I said that this was an example of my being scatterbrained. He said; “Oh, is that what it looks like”.. Then I said; “This is a shoulder moment”. So he gently took hold of my shoulders and said would I please get out of the way so he could do his work. Immediately, this I did. He doesn’t yet understand how to do this so I have to be the one who takes charge. After all, it was me who started the whole thing so I see it as only fair that I take the lead until he ‘gets it’. I just have to keep encouraging him to do what I said I needed.

I think that this new way of communicating is going to save our marriage.

Please read the next post for continuity

Sunday – 4-15-18 – part 2

15 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

asking for what I need, asking for what I want, asking for what you need, asking for what you want, communication, communication technique, fighting, follow through on a request, Marriage, relationship, stating what you want

Read this post about our ‘New Way Relationship’

Well Jerry and I had our first ‘break in’ with the new communication technique. He needed a little push to try the new way and I gave him what he needed.

We were talking about the problems with my computer (it was being restored from getting into very bad shape). At first he got frustrated with me but still acted in the old way trying hard not to raise his voice this time. But this isn’t the thing I had requested of him. So I had to instigate the new way by saying; “Honey, you aren’t doing what I asked you to do. Can you please do it the new way?” He immediately got into it – doing the new way I’d asked him to! It went as smooth as butter!!! It’s a new and strange way (to us) to interact so he just needed a little push. I also needed a little courage to take the lead and follow through with what I’d asked. It’s new and strange and so was uncomfortable to instigate at first.

I had to tell him what I needed!!!

It was hard to do but I did it – twice! Once when I wrote it down for him and again when the situation called for it to actually be carried out.

Asking for what I need is soooo hard for me! I don’t think I’ve ever done this as well as I have up to this point. Part of the problem we’ve been having is that I’ve never stated my needs clearly enough to the point where I can get them met. I stated them with both feet firmly planted on the ground. I stood up for myself – TWICE!!!

As far as communication goes, this time it’s going to be my way or the highway.

Continue to the next post for continuity

Monday 4-9-18

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Alanon, computer, couples, fighting, Marriage, marriage problems

I haven’t written anything for a couple of days. Not because there wasn’t anything to write about. My computer broke down and I’m writing on my husband’s. Any way, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since I last wrote.

Jerry had a scream-fest on me – again. He was trying to fix my computer but only seemed to make it worse. I was on the phone with my sister who fixes her own computer herself. She made a suggestion about what a possible solution was but when I took it to Jerry he went berserk. He yelled at me for hours. I tried to yell back a little bit but that got me no where. AlAnon says that I’m just supposed to shine him on when he turns on me like that but I’ve only been able to not get sucked in a couple of times. Usually I try to reason with him, then yell back. We went to bed angry that night.

We had a Big Fight

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, fawning, fighting, freezing, friendship, Love, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, relationships

So my friend and I had a big fight and my head is reeling from it. I don’t do ‘friends’ with people and, to tell you the truth, in 60 years this is the first real friend who I’m starting to try to be real with in my life. That’s how much abuse I’ve had to deal with. I’ve been real with my husband but then we’re like two ships passing in the night with each other. There’s very little of anything between us and, to tell the truth, it’s been that way since we got married. Almost right away, he changed after we got married, but that’s another tale to tell for another time.

Continue reading →

A & B – How to Deal With Fire Fights

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abuse, domestic violence, Family, fighting, fire, intimacy, Mental health, PTSD, relationship, trauma

(this may seem hard to do at first but we caught on and I’m as impatient as a 30 second french fry in a fry cooker and my husband is as dense as a raw potato)

CAUTION: This is really, really, really important!! You must read through this entire article… first… maybe several times, in ordered to be fully mentally and emotionally prepared to do this exercise.

The thing is… Fights in a relationship create Fire… and fire has massive power behind it to destroy. You must realize that this is what you are dealing with when you fight. FIRE!! And like with any fire, when you’re handling it, utmost caution must be taken to keep it contained and under control so that it doesn’t incinerate you or your relationship.

* * *

Continue reading →

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

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My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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