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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: christianity

Have You Had a Visitation?

04 Saturday Jan 2020

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Dialogues with God, My Testimony, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christ, Christian, christianity, Faith, God, Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit, Jesus, lonliness, religion, religious experience, spiritual experience, spiritual visitation

Have you had one or more spiritual experiences or visitations? I have on several occasions and I’m desperately looking for others who have had them too. Because, in this, I feel truly alone.

I Escaped the Suicide Machine

06 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

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Tags

alcoholism, Bible, birds, christianity, death, Faith, God, grief, inspiration, Mental health, religion, Suicide

I feed wild finches and over the last month or so I’ve been watching them die little by little.

Continue reading →

God is Such a Good God!

25 Friday Sep 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Day to day life, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Addiction, christianity, compulsive overeating, exercise, food addiction, God, inspiration, Mental health, spirituality, weight, Weight loss, Weight Watchers

I’ve been free of flour/sugar products for over two years and cigarettes for over one and a half years and I haven’t lost any weight at all. It’s been very discouraging to say the least but I think the tide is finally turning regarding the weight. I think God finally had enough of my wining and stepped in to give me a little advice.

I had a spiritual experience a couple of weeks ago about losing this weight. It went something like this.

God: You know how to lose this weight dear.
Me: How?
God: You know how.
Me: No I don’t.
God: Yes you do. You’ve done it two times before the in exact same way with complete success.

EXERCISE !
Twenty minutes a day.

God: One time just before you moved to Santa Cruz. And one time while you were in Weight Watchers. It worked like a charm back then and there’s no reason why it won’t work again this time. So… if you really do want to lose this weight… why don’t you…

Get back on the ball.

Well I’ve been doing cardio-exercise (which is what I did before) on the elliptical machine twenty minutes a day since then.

I know I will lose the weight this way. God is right. If I want to lose the weight, I have to exercise. I’ve experienced losing the weight this way two times before. I really do want to lose the weight. Enough so that I don’t have any resentment about doing the exercise anymore. I used to have a big resentment at doing even ten minutes. I’ve always talked myself into this resentment by wining things like…

How come I have to exercise
to lose weight and
everyone else doesn’t.

But when God talked to me that day, I knew instantly what a load of crap that was. He put on my heart the reality that just about everyone who has a slim figure has to exercise… the same as I would if I wanted a slim figure too. Suddenly, doing twenty minutes a day on the elliptical is a piece of cake. Not only did He give me the information I needed to loose the weight, but He took all my resentment about doing the exercise, away too!

Robin

My Baptism Horror Story

22 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Testimony, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

baptize, baptizm, christianity, demon possession, demons, God, spirituality, trauma, violence

My baptism was ‘not that great’ as it turned out. This is an understatement. Here’s what happened.

I became a Christian in my bedroom, alone, by accident, at 27 years old. The story of my conversion is HERE. Then I was a ‘closet Christian’ for three years before I got with a church. After that, it took another year or so before I got the guts to come forward and ask to be baptized. I knew about baptizim, and I knew you were supposed to get baptized after you became a Christian, right? It’s just something that Christians were supposed to do. You get baptized to declare to the world that you now follow Christ. I had no problem with that. I knew I belonged to Jesus and to God and that I owed my very life to Him.

Continue reading →

The Day I Was Freed from the Obsession to Drink

16 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Spiritual Experiences

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Tags

12-step, alcholics anonymous, alcoholism, christianity, God, sobriety, spirituality, visions

It was a dark and stormy night….

No… really… It was a dark and stormy night. I was six years sober at the time. SIX YEARS SOBER AND I STILL HAD THE OBSESSION TO DRINK! YIKES!

Don’t ask my how I could have pulled that off. How can a drunk, who is drooling for a drink, not drink… for six years. Fear. That’s all I can say. Plain fear. Unadulterated fear. I’d had a vision of my life if I’d continued down the drinking path, and it wasn’t pretty. It was a horror movie. God showed me my future in living color six years before that, and I couldn’t deny the truth of that future if I continued to drink the way I was doing. And I couldn’t stop the drinking the way I was doing it. So I dragged myself to A.A. and they got me sober.

Continue reading →

The Peace of God Can Be Found Inside the Spaces

27 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences

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Tags

abstinence, Addictions, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, peace, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

This is a copy of a post I wrote about six months ago –
Yet now I am feeling this way on a long term basis not just for a day like I was here.

 

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

*  *  *

Here is a list of things I no longer practice:
Things I No Longer Practice

*  *  *

This ride of  ‘no addictions or obsessions’ has suddenly transformed itself. Up until now, I’ve been careening at break-neck speed, through the pitch blackness, on a hairy, frightening, roller coaster; being tossed around like a rag-doll, completely out of emotional control. But suddenly, an abrupt change has occurred. Suddenly I’m finding myself in a place of absolute quiet stillness. It feels like I’m riding on a smooth white platform that’s silently and swiftly skimming across the surface of a pale blue, sparkling, glassy sea.

Continue reading →

What To Do With Sin-Trauma

24 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

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Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, sin, trauma, violence

When God first made man… Genesis 1:26 …

Let us make man-kind
in our image.

God told Noah (even after the fall)… Genesis 9:6 …

For men are made
in God’s own image.

It is my belief that the above passages infer that every person (and not just Christians I might add) on planet earth carries a piece of our holy creator within themselves. From the president of the United States to the people who call the streets their home… everyone carries a piece of the Holy God… an image of Him… inside their persons (however, those who heed God’s call to Jesus the saving Christ, have a soul redeeming relationship).

Continue reading →

A Very Interesting Thing Happened Today

23 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, God, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, trauma, violence

Something very interesting happened tonight that I thought you would like to hear about. I’m taking training to be on the Crisis Call Center hotline. This evening we did role playing with the trainers for the first time in the training. Well I did a pretty piss-poor job of it and the feed-back I got from the others showed that too. This would have been a perfect ‘set up’ for me to rail against myself you think, wouldn’t it? This would have been the perfect situation for the ‘ugly voices’ to have come at me – enforce.

Continue reading →

I Don’t Care Much for Love

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

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Tags

child abuse, Christian, christianity, compassion, complex ptsd, God, Love, PTSD, trauma

(an e-mail I sent to my pastor in response to the sermon he gave today. Regarding something he talked about that made me think on the word – compassion.)

*  *  *

I want to say more about the word “love”. I just don’t care much for that word. It’s been bandied about too much. Like an old wad of crumpled duct tape. It’s kind of useless anymore.

I love potato chips (?)

I mean. Come on!

But – compassion….

Continue reading →

Attachment to God? HELP!!

01 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

attachment disorder, childhood trauma, Christian, christianity, complex ptsd, Genesis 1:26, God, PTSD, relationship, spiritul, trauma

What if you’re a Christian… and you have Attachment Disorder… what do you do… with God?

I’ve been in Alcoholics Anonymous a very very long time and I have a lot of time without alcohol. I’ve tried to follow the ‘program’ for all I’ve been worth but have been a miserable failure at it. The only thing I’ve managed to do… by hook and by crook…sometimes by the skin of my teeth… is to not drink.

Continue reading →

I Can’t Connect

20 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

AA, abstinence, abuse, Addiction, alcholism, anti-social, attachment disorder, Christian, christianity, connection, God, rad, surrender

I continue on in my quest as an addict into the world of no addictions.

It’s been officially a year now since I put the sugar down; six months since the cigarettes. I’m digging deep into my psyche. It started out with curiosity. I’ve been desperate to know… “Through practicing all these addictions, what the heck have I been running away from so hard?” Now it’s come to take on a life of it’s own. Here’s where I  now.

Continue reading →

I’m Still on the Damned Roller Coaster Ride!!

06 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, My "No Addictions" Experiment

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, denial, food obsession, grief, grieving process, junk food, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, rage

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

It seems I’m on the emotional ‘roller coaster’ again with no idea where I’m going to next. Apparently I haven’t arrived at God’s destination for me as the ride isn’t over yet. I’m so tired of … one… more… time… having to deal with all these uncontrollably, wild feelings!! It’s not bad enough that I have to deal with food addiction; I have to deal with all this child-abuse-PTSD too!!??

Continue reading →

Opposites: Heaven & Earth

12 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I know about God

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christian, christianity, earth, God, heaven, inspiration, Paradigm shift, rules, spirituality

Have you ever wondered why God’s commands work directly opposite to the way the world works?

I have wondered and wondered about all the =opposites= the Bible talks about, for a very long time.

With the help of some of my blogging buddies, these are some of the ones we came up with.

I don’t understand it, but when I do as God’s directs, something happens inside….

…something wonderful…..

I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. But when I do a thing God’s way, something inside…

…tingles with excitement….

*  *  * Continue reading →

No “Uncover; Discover; Discard” for me.

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aa slogans, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

I want to apologize for the quality of my writing lately. Since the writing of the above post, I haven’t been getting very good sleep and, even though I’ve seen my psychiatrist three times in the last two weeks, the medication regime adjustments for the Bipolar, have not yet helped very much.

I don’t think that the AA slogan: “Uncover; Discover; Discard” is something to try to push an alcoholic, who was abused as a child, to do. Furthermore, I don’t think it is a saying that Bill and Bob would have approved of either.

Continue reading →

How to Get Deep Inner Healing for a Negative Emotion

21 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

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Tags

adult-self, child self, Christ, Christian, christianity, conversation, God, spirituality, trust

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

This is to be done ~ A-La ~Theophostic~ Style:

You have to have an unconditionally-loving-adult-self to do this. If you aren’t sure you know what being unconditionally Loved feels like, then you most likely have never experienced it.

But that’s ok though.
I never had it, but I was able to get it.
So, so can you!!

Continue reading →

Exodus 20:2-4 – Addictions and Obsessions I No Longer Practice

19 Monday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcholism, Christian, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )
At the bottom of this post is a link to the next one.

*  *  *

Exodus 20:2-4…

I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.

These are the verses I’m totally laser-focused on right now. I am doing my level best to live by them. Suddenly I can see their profound meaning for our current times – as clear… as… day. To put it mildly, the rewards for making God my main man, are astonishingly miraculous.

Please find…

Jeremiah 33:3

*  *  *

HOW MANY OF THESE THINGS DO YOU RECOGNIZE IN YOURSELF?

Continue reading →

This is What ‘jumping the tracks’ Looks Like

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, New Testament, obsession, Paul, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast  )

In the saga of: “Living Life With No Addictions or Obsessions”, my journey continues.

The last few days I’ve been full to the brim with fear. Terrified really.

Continue reading →

Co-Dependence: I Can’t Talk About It

15 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

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Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, co-dependence, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(The first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

So far, I’ve been pretty good about working on my goal of “You Shall Have No Other God’s Before Me” (the 1st commandment in the Bible). So far so good.

But a couple of days ago, I jumped the tracks. I got a little bit back into co-dependence.

Continue reading →

‘Out In The Field’ With God

14 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

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Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Holy Spirit, Paradigm shift, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

Hi Pastor D & K,   (both of them are therapists)

(sorry this is so long – I couldn’t make it any shorter and still say what I needed to say).

I’ve been out in the field with God for a long time, but have taken many long, long  ‘breaks’ (through various addictions) from my studies. Though I’ve been freed from alcohol obsession for 34 years, I’ve been substituting many other secondary addictions to take it’s place. I could not stop these other addictions myself, so I’ve been praying, for all my sober 34 years, to have these other addictions removed. With all my heart, I’ve wanted “No other gods before God”.

Continue reading →

A Brutally Honest E-Mail I Sent To My AA Friend

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, drugs, God, mental illness, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

(I wrote this e-mail to an AA friend/sponsor, after waking up at 4 am from out of the haze of several very tricky victim dreams. I have used tricks in the past to deal with these types of dreams, but this time they were so tricky that none of the tricks I’ve used, to neutralize them, worked. This is why I decided to get up and write this e-mail to my AA friend.)

Continue reading →

It’s A Strange New World

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, personality integration, PTSD, recovery, sobriety, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Begin A Social Outcast )

I used to have difficult feelings of aloneness and rejection because of being mostly alone here in blog-world, but this is changing. I still feel like I’m pretty much alone here, but since the ability to God/Self Soothe has ‘clicked in’ (by going through what I did the last 2 months) I’m definitely holding within myself, a dramatically different view of this aloneness. I think what I’ve been doing so far has really pushed me around the corner in my ability to adapt to inner and outer stresses. I really do believe I’ve come to a place where God is truly my ‘center’ – for everything.

Continue reading →

To Sum Up So Far

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, food addiction, God, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Being A Social Outcast  )

Something profoundly wonderful has happened to me of late. It started in 1980 when I gave up my primary addiction – alcohol. Not long after I got sober, I began to lean very heavily on junk (flour/sugar) foods to distance myself from the agony of life without booze. I knew that doing the food thing was not good, but I was in so much emotional angst that I couldn’t stop myself. Two years into the agony of giving up this primary addiction, I had my first experience with your Christian God who (through the person of Jesus Christ) got through to me, in a very powerful way, how much He deeply, profoundly, and unconditionally, loved me. And He gave me the Holy Spirit in a very palpable way.

Continue reading →

My Journey Out From Under the Gun of a Psychopath

15 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

anti-social, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, cptsd, post traumatic stress disorder, psychopath, PTSD, relationship, sobriety, trauma, trauma bonding, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Trauma Bonding and Living with a Psychopath

My father was a psychopath. He’s dead now. As a child I lived with him. He never left the family, so I lived with him my whole growing up.

Continue reading →

PTSD

04 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

My friend said good bye to me. We had been meeting every week; Tuesdays from three to five. Every week for three years. We studied Christian books together. “The Names of God”; “Lord Heal My Hurts”; “The Way of Agape”

Last week she told me she didn’t want to meet with me anymore. It was yesterday that we met for the last time. Now she’s gone.

My head knows why she did it. She had to. Her daughter had foisted three of her grand children on her to babysit everyday. She was homeschooling the twelve year old. The six year old had downs syndrome and ADHA, and the  baby of eight months was a screamaholic. She’s sixty two and has battled cancer in her past. Last week the daughter moved to Southern California and out of her life. My relief and worry for her was finally over. So my head understands that she desperately needed a break. She said that first she was going to sleep for a month, then see the Grand Canyon, and then work on her book. It was completely understandable why she did it.

But not all of me is cooperating with the head.

I’m an addict, using every sort of earthly means I could lay my hands on to dissociate from pain. “Any port in a storm”, so they say. Alcohol was my drug of choice; then junk food, cigarettes, caffeine, crochet, TV, spending, wandering aimlessly around the house in an overwhelming fog.

But, one-by-one I’ve been barreling through each addiction with the single-mindedness of a cougar going after it’s prey. Since last August I have become determined to be addiction free. I want to run to the arms of the only One I can truly depend upon. The One who comes with no ill after-effects…  God.

But now I am braving the first storm. And it’s a doozy. A hurricane, and I have no where to hide. No addiction to protect me from the raging fury passing directly overhead.

I lay on my bed, on my side, alone in the darkened room. Frozen still while this furious storm rages all around me. Monstrous claps of thunder pulse through my body.

In a thunder clap I am flung into a room. A voice screams at me…

Get in your room!!!

A lightening bolt of PTSD flash-back strikes and I am electrified. Then another, and another. They pierce me with direct hits. Then, in the light of a strike suddenly I become aware that I have been transported…  to 1960.

In the instant flash of light I see something… no… someone. A small girl… huddled in the corner of her room. Her knees pressed tightly against her chest. Her arms wrapped around her knees.  She’s in shock but… strangely… I can hear her thoughts.

What did I do?! Why is he so angry? I must be horrible for him to look at me with so much rage! I’m pure evil. I must be hideous for him to look at me with so much fire in his eyes.

She stares at nothing, almost not believing she came out alive through another savage assault.

Confused… baffled… bewildered… frozen. I see her in the lightening flashes. Petrified by what just happened, she does not move. And I can not move either. I am braving this storm. With each flash I get a glimpse. My eyes are fixated on her form and on her frozen face. I dare not budge. I do not want to miss a single second of this meeting. This memory.

A single tear runs over the bridge of my nose, then down my cheek to the pillow below. As I take her in my arms, this one tear is a miracle.

Together now, we survived the storm. We have both made it through alive.

 

 

 

How to Pray… No, I Mean… Really Pray

Featured

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

child, child abuse, Children, Christ, christianity, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, messy, Prayer, relationship, spirituality

I loved this article. Here is a synopsis of it.

Become Like a Little Child

Jesus wants us to be without pretense when we come to him in prayer. Instead, we often try to be something we aren’t. We begin by concentrating on God, but almost immediately our minds wander off in a dozen different directions. The problems of the day push out our well-intentioned resolve to be spiritual. We give ourselves a spiritual kick in the pants and try again, but life crowds out prayer. We know that prayer isn’t supposed to be like this, so we give up in despair. We might as well get something done.

Continue reading →

The Holiness of Words

08 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

christianity, God, inspiration, Paradigm shift, power of words, spiritual concepts, spirituality, words

Words are portals between visible and invisible worlds. The words of the Bible act as portals connecting the spirit mind of the Lord God… through this visible world… to my own spirit mind. That’s why every jot and tittle of each word is so important. Continue reading →

The 4th Step

23 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

4th step inventory, Alcoholics Anonymous, Anxiety, child abuse, christianity, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Mental disorder, Mental health, PTSD, self-inventory, sobriety, spirituality

I had an illumination at church service today that I thought I’d share.

The pastor was talking about Psalms 139 prayer and relating it to the 4th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Continue reading →

I Quit!

22 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, christianity, compulsive overeating, God, Holy Spirit, junk food, Mental health, smoking, spirituality, weight

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been hiding from the world. But T.E.Hanna had a good talking to me and I’m back on track again… I hope.

That’s right, I’ve quit!

What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve quit the junk food habit for six months now. Recently I also quit smoking (over two months). I’ve quit compulsively crocheting and I’ve quit compulsive computing as well. And that’s just to name a few of the things I’ve quit.

Continue reading →

Alcohol Obsession Removed – Finally!

13 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, christianity, God, Jesus, Mental disorder, Mental health, mental illness, Paradigm shift, sobriety, spirituality, Substance abuse

I was sober six years when this happened to me.

Around my sixth anniversary sober, I found myself in such excruciating emotional stress that I could bear it no longer. I had not taken a drink of alcohol for six years yet still had the taste for it. As a result, I had what I now call a ‘Showdown at the OK Corral’ with God. I told Him, in no uncertain terms, that if He didn’t do something about this obsession for booze, then I was going to go back out again. So He had better do something… and quick. Boy! Was I mad!!

I gave Him two weeks.

Continue reading →

I’ve Lost All Confidence in My Ability to Write

07 Saturday Dec 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Anxiety, christianity, Family, God, Intimate relationship, Mental health, mental illness, Self-confidence, trauma, Writing

I haven’t been writing lately. The thing is that I have a sister who is critiquing my writing and I’m losing all my confidence because of what she’s doing. This is why I started writing on a new blog which I am keeping secret from her.

So what am I to do with my loss of self-confidence? Give my new-found fear of writing, over to God I guess. Though I don’t have a clue what He’s going to do with it.

I don’t know what to write about anymore. I seem to have utterly, utterly, lost my way with it. The lack of confidence is sticking to me like fly paper would.

That’s all I have to say for now. Perhaps any of you guys might offer me some advice this this? I’m feeling very sadly about it. I would really appreciate any outside help I can get. I think I’ll talk to my therapist about it too. See what she has to say about my problem.

 * * *

 ~~ Give all Feloreaw to Him, Our Wonderful, Loving Father ~~

.

.

Introduction

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Jesus, Mental health, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, Ulcerative Colitis, violence

Hello… and thank you for stopping by.

Mine has been a tough life. I am not sure why it had to be that way, but it has been tough since the beginning. There are many things I deal with; Complex PTSD and DID from some extreme child abuse, schizo-affective disorder, alcoholism, suicide obsession, ulcerative colitis, constant anxiety, and a junk food obsession which is what I am working on with God right now.

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My Story – Part 1

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

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Tags

child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, violence

I’m going to publish my story in segments. I’m cutting it into segments because it’s quite a long story.

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My Story – Part 2

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

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Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

HOME LIFE

Life was pretty hard in my childhood home. Both my parents were extremely paranoid and taught their children to mistrust all human beings. I was told that people would “STAB YOU IN THE BACK”  and “EAT YOU ALIVE”.  No one came to visit. Neither of my parents had any friends and we were kept in forced isolation at home for this reason. Continue reading →

My Story – Part 3

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

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Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

Although the abuse I suffered was difficult there is a continuum to this. Many suffered less than me of course but, in reading others’ blogs, I’ve come to the realization… there are plenty of people out there who, as children, suffered a great deal more than I did.

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My Story – Part 6

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I was never allowed to become a member of the neighborhood gang. I didn’t fit in with the other kids. I tried and tried but was a dismal failure at it.

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My Story – Part 7

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

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Tags

C-PTSD, California, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Depression, Family, God, Major depressive disorder, Mental disorder, Mental health, PTSD

My Separation from the Family

Abuse can create a hugely entangled relationship between a child and their parents (for me, it was mostly with my father).  My parents convinced me that this world was a horrible place and that I should stay home at all costs. I believed them. Though it appeared on the outside that they couldn’t wait to be rid of me, I think my parents wanted me to stay with them forever. But at some point children have to leave their childhood homes; I went off to college but found myself so terrified of the world that I went crawling back to mommy and daddy again.

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My Story – Part 8

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abandonment, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, Prayer, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

How I Turned Out After All This

Because my parents were pretty ‘out there’ as far as religion was concerned, I have a very spotty religious internal background. My parents took us to the Unitarian church until I and my sister were about eight years old and my brother was four. Then this most liberal of protestant churches kicked us out. As I have talked about earlier, my parents had a very warped view on the spiritual, or religious, aspects of living.

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“The Way of Agape”

13 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Songs & Books

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alcoholism, Bible, Christ, christianity, Chuck Missler, God, Holy Spirit, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, Nancy Missler, relationship, sobriety, spirituality

This is a ‘book review’. I know… many of you will just pass it by because of this being a review, but I promise that if you stick around, you will be amazed.

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One of the Definitions of a ‘Miracle’

22 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

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Tags

Anger, christianity, Family, God, Mental health, Paradigm shift, paradigms, relationship, spirituality

I know there are many definitions of a miracle,
but I think this is truly one of them.

One of the definitions of a miracle is….a paradigm shift.

A Paradigm Shift is one of God’s miracles.

Because sometimes it takes God to produce that in us.

To find out what a Paradigm Shift is, Click HERE

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From My Journal – 2

19 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, From My Journal

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Tags

abstinence, anti-social, Anxiety, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, God, intimacy, intimacy with God, Mental health, PTSD, relationship

Getting on my knees is getting harder and harder. I am railing against turning my life and will over to something other than myself. I am so used to taking care of me by myself. Funny… I need God to stay away from alcohol. I have a conscious connection with Him all day long… to stay sober. But this food business is a whole lot trickier than the alcohol. I am truly bewildered by it all.

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

Categories

  • About Addiction
  • Anything Else
  • Child Abuse Trauma
  • Day to day life
  • Dialogues with God
  • From My Journal
  • Marriage
  • mental illness
  • My "No Addictions" Experiment
  • My Life Story
  • My Testimony
  • parenting
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Songs & Books
  • Spiritual Experiences
  • What I know about God
  • What I'm Learning About Life
  • What I'm learning about relationships
  • What I'm learning in Al Anon
  • What I'm learning in therapy

Archives

  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2017
  • April 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • April 2013

Blogs I Follow

  • My Blog / Website
  • Church Set Free
  • Jean's Writing
  • Sammy Holiday
  • I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
  • #AskMyrtle
  • A WordPress Site
  • follow your nose
  • A Buick in the Land of Lexus
  • King of States!
  • Random Storyteller
  • PRINCESS KICK-ASS
  • Under Reconstruction
  • trudgingdestiny
  • thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere
  • thegirlwriting
  • The Girl With Words
  • DIDdispatches Blog
  • the anxiously depressed
  • Christian INTP
  • Susan Irene Fox
  • THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL
  • Wild Truth
  • The Aspirational Agnostic
  • lulufille
  • In My Father's House
  • Coming2Him
  • Heather Kopp
  • Isaiah 41 v 10
  • Highly Sensitive Matters

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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