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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: C-PTSD

We had a Big Fight

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, fawning, fighting, freezing, friendship, Love, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, relationships

So my friend and I had a big fight and my head is reeling from it. I don’t do ‘friends’ with people and, to tell you the truth, in 60 years this is the first real friend who I’m starting to try to be real with in my life. That’s how much abuse I’ve had to deal with. I’ve been real with my husband but then we’re like two ships passing in the night with each other. There’s very little of anything between us and, to tell the truth, it’s been that way since we got married. Almost right away, he changed after we got married, but that’s another tale to tell for another time.

Continue reading →

Finding It Hard to Love

24 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book, C-PTSD, C-PTSD from surviving to thriving, child abuse, Family, friendship, God, Love, peter walker, PTSD, relationship

I’m reading a very good book by Peter Walker called “C-PTSD From Surviving to Thriving“. (C-PTSD – Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from childhood abuse). A couple of friends from Al-Anon told me about it and I finally picked it up and am reading it. Fascinating and horrifying at the same time. To put it mildly, it’s hot. He uses words like ‘miserable’, ‘tormenting’, ‘having little use for (a child)’, ‘routinely ridiculed’, ‘minimal nurturing’, ‘dangerous’, ‘bitter’, ‘sarcastic’, ‘parental betrayal’, etc. This man knows about C-PTSD from personal experience and 30 years of working with victims of this condition. The book also contains a lot of ‘solution’, not just description of the ‘problem’ like so many self-help books do.

Continue reading →

The Peace of God Can Be Found Inside the Spaces

27 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, peace, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

This is a copy of a post I wrote about six months ago –
Yet now I am feeling this way on a long term basis not just for a day like I was here.

 

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

*  *  *

Here is a list of things I no longer practice:
Things I No Longer Practice

*  *  *

This ride of  ‘no addictions or obsessions’ has suddenly transformed itself. Up until now, I’ve been careening at break-neck speed, through the pitch blackness, on a hairy, frightening, roller coaster; being tossed around like a rag-doll, completely out of emotional control. But suddenly, an abrupt change has occurred. Suddenly I’m finding myself in a place of absolute quiet stillness. It feels like I’m riding on a smooth white platform that’s silently and swiftly skimming across the surface of a pale blue, sparkling, glassy sea.

Continue reading →

What To Do With Sin-Trauma

24 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, sin, trauma, violence

When God first made man… Genesis 1:26 …

Let us make man-kind
in our image.

God told Noah (even after the fall)… Genesis 9:6 …

For men are made
in God’s own image.

It is my belief that the above passages infer that every person (and not just Christians I might add) on planet earth carries a piece of our holy creator within themselves. From the president of the United States to the people who call the streets their home… everyone carries a piece of the Holy God… an image of Him… inside their persons (however, those who heed God’s call to Jesus the saving Christ, have a soul redeeming relationship).

Continue reading →

Book: The ACoA Trauma Syndrome

23 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ACoA, adult children of alcoholics, book, C-PTSD, PTSD, tian dayton, trauma, trauma syndrome

(a paragraph from this book by Tian Dayton, PhD)

Picture again the child facing her drunk parent. She is short, he is tall. She thinks with a child’s limited reasoning, he’s been to college. She has her truck or teddy dangling from her arms. He holds the keys to the house, the car, and credit cards. She could fight, but she knows that if she tries to stand up for herself, she will only come to her daddy’s waist. She could flee, but where would she go in her footy pajamas with no money? So she does what she can do. She shuts up. She stands there like a little soldier and takes it. She freezes, holds her pain, hurt and tension in the musculature of her little body and flees on the inside, she dissociates. Dissociation – or “fleeing on the inside” – can be hard to see. After all, your body is still there – you talk and interact, you seem to be there, but you are not in your own skin. You’re not present. You’re on autopilot. Life appears to be happening out there, somewhere, but you’re not quite present.

I’m Still on the Damned Roller Coaster Ride!!

06 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, My "No Addictions" Experiment

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, denial, food obsession, grief, grieving process, junk food, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, rage

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

It seems I’m on the emotional ‘roller coaster’ again with no idea where I’m going to next. Apparently I haven’t arrived at God’s destination for me as the ride isn’t over yet. I’m so tired of … one… more… time… having to deal with all these uncontrollably, wild feelings!! It’s not bad enough that I have to deal with food addiction; I have to deal with all this child-abuse-PTSD too!!??

Continue reading →

More Problems… Damn It!!!

14 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, compulsive overeating, cutting, homicide, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

Another problem has started to rear it’s ugly head in this
no-addictions / no-obsessions trial.

!@!@!@ CRAP  @!@!@!

That’s all I can say…. Crap… Crap… Crap… and Damn It!!

I want this to be over.

I’m tired of being on the tracks… being hit by so many trains.

I want to get well!  And NOW!!!

I don’t want to be doing this anymore!

Continue reading →

Looking at an AA Principle : from the View of a Child-Abuse Survivor

12 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, obsession, PTSD, resentment, self-hatred, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING:

As most of you who read this blog know by now, I am in the process of releasing all my addictions and obsessions. If anyone here wants to take a stab at doing this, I believe that a firm hold on sobriety is necessary first before making this attempt. I don’t think it’s for those who are still unsteady on their feet from recently having let go of their primary addiction. For me, it’s been 34 years of only alcohol abstinence; ‘Easy Does It’… ‘First Things First’… ‘Think it Through’… ‘Live and Let Live’… ‘One Day (or moment) at a Time’… and working the Steps. Please be cautious if trying go the ‘no addiction/obsession’ route while you’re still struggling to stay sober because it can possibly introduce enormous amounts of stress and pain into your life. It took me a very long time to even take a stab at it. I’ve been praying for the strength to take this on for the last 30 years.

Continue reading →

No “Uncover; Discover; Discard” for me.

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aa slogans, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

I want to apologize for the quality of my writing lately. Since the writing of the above post, I haven’t been getting very good sleep and, even though I’ve seen my psychiatrist three times in the last two weeks, the medication regime adjustments for the Bipolar, have not yet helped very much.

I don’t think that the AA slogan: “Uncover; Discover; Discard” is something to try to push an alcoholic, who was abused as a child, to do. Furthermore, I don’t think it is a saying that Bill and Bob would have approved of either.

Continue reading →

Self-Hatred

25 Sunday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, self-hate, self-hatred, spiritual

  (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

*  *  *

At last… a very short post!

Continue reading →

I Can’t Believe What I Did! I Can’t Believe What I Did!

21 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, relationship, renewal, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

 (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

*  *  *

Hi guys!

I just have to tell you about what happened to me a couple days ago. I’m so excited I’m busting a gut! It’s very short, but here’s the story…

Continue reading →

This is What ‘jumping the tracks’ Looks Like

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, New Testament, obsession, Paul, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast  )

In the saga of: “Living Life With No Addictions or Obsessions”, my journey continues.

The last few days I’ve been full to the brim with fear. Terrified really.

Continue reading →

Co-Dependence: I Can’t Talk About It

15 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, co-dependence, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(The first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

So far, I’ve been pretty good about working on my goal of “You Shall Have No Other God’s Before Me” (the 1st commandment in the Bible). So far so good.

But a couple of days ago, I jumped the tracks. I got a little bit back into co-dependence.

Continue reading →

‘Out In The Field’ With God

14 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Holy Spirit, Paradigm shift, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

Hi Pastor D & K,   (both of them are therapists)

(sorry this is so long – I couldn’t make it any shorter and still say what I needed to say).

I’ve been out in the field with God for a long time, but have taken many long, long  ‘breaks’ (through various addictions) from my studies. Though I’ve been freed from alcohol obsession for 34 years, I’ve been substituting many other secondary addictions to take it’s place. I could not stop these other addictions myself, so I’ve been praying, for all my sober 34 years, to have these other addictions removed. With all my heart, I’ve wanted “No other gods before God”.

Continue reading →

Steps 6 & 7 – of the 12 Steps of A.A.

10 Saturday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, God, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Step 7, Step6, trauma

(The first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

In giving up all my addictions and obsessions, this is where I’ve come to so far.

*  *  *

Continue reading →

A Brutally Honest E-Mail I Sent To My AA Friend

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, drugs, God, mental illness, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

(I wrote this e-mail to an AA friend/sponsor, after waking up at 4 am from out of the haze of several very tricky victim dreams. I have used tricks in the past to deal with these types of dreams, but this time they were so tricky that none of the tricks I’ve used, to neutralize them, worked. This is why I decided to get up and write this e-mail to my AA friend.)

Continue reading →

Do Children Copy Their Parents Emotions?

06 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, emotional abuse, Family, Father, mental illness, neglect, Parent, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, verbal abuse, violence

The first post of this series is here:   On Being A Social Outcast

I’m writing today because I don’t know what else to do right now in this addiction-free, obsession-free experiment. I’m tired. I do know that. I’m beginning to see that there’s going to be a lot of work involved in keeping my introject-father ** (the ‘father’ I still carry inside me) at peace. I need to both soothe and reward him… all…the… time… or he gets freaked out again. I don’t know if I can get rid of him altogether. I wish I could. The problem is that his personality encompasses 90% of who I am. He injected himself into me so deeply that there’s almost nothing of a ‘me’ in me. This is how it seems to be as far as I can see… so far. Maybe, one day, I’ll actually be able to be a ‘me’ and not just a ‘him’.

Continue reading →

To Sum Up So Far

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, food addiction, God, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Being A Social Outcast  )

Something profoundly wonderful has happened to me of late. It started in 1980 when I gave up my primary addiction – alcohol. Not long after I got sober, I began to lean very heavily on junk (flour/sugar) foods to distance myself from the agony of life without booze. I knew that doing the food thing was not good, but I was in so much emotional angst that I couldn’t stop myself. Two years into the agony of giving up this primary addiction, I had my first experience with your Christian God who (through the person of Jesus Christ) got through to me, in a very powerful way, how much He deeply, profoundly, and unconditionally, loved me. And He gave me the Holy Spirit in a very palpable way.

Continue reading →

They Call It Self-Soothing

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, Christian, God, introject, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )

Just a warning. This is a very dramatic exposé.  I’m going out to the edges on this one. But there has been a lot of drama, and I had to write it the way it happened. I’m also sorry it’s such a long read, but I made it as short as I could without leaving out anything important to the story.

*  *  *

Continue reading →

Could It Really Be True? Am I Beginning to See the End of the Ride?

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

agony, angst, C-PTSD, fear, pain, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, space mountain, terror, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:   On Being A Social Outcast )

It’s been several days since my last post. I haven’t written because I wasn’t sure if my ride on Space Mountain might finally be coming to an end or not. Because, at some points there were lulls in the ride, I wasn’t sure if I was actually seeing some daylight or if it was just a lull. But, for the last few days things have been pretty steady. I’ve been feeling like I’m on some terra-firma. I’m kind of wobbly, but I haven’t had a sense that I’m still on that crazy, crazy ride. Inside, things have begun to calm down and they’ve stayed pretty calm and steady for the last few days.

Continue reading →

This is ‘Space Mountain’

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

abstinence, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, disney land, PTSD, sobriety, space mountain, terror, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

So…. About Space Mountain.

Continue reading →

A Trip on Space Mountain

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Anxiety, C-PTSD, child abuse, PTSD, sobriety, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

This is a post on the continuing saga of my ‘friend’ telling me to take a hike and my going through the ensuring storm without running to any addictive substances or obsessive behaviors.

Continue reading →

I Don’t Trust AAer’s

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Here I go, morphing again. I feel like I’m riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland. The Matterhorn is a roller-coaster that you ride in complete darkness. You can’t see anything so you don’t know what’s coming next. This is how I’ve been feeling since the beginning of going through this crisis (my best friend telling me to shove off with no explanation) without running to any addiction of any kind; either substance or behavior.

Continue reading →

Retribution

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

boundaries, C-PTSD, child abuse, introject, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Today something else is popping up in this journey to face life with no addictions. One more time I’m beginning to feel war starting to brew. There is tension inside again. So what’s going on now? Well, I asked myself this and the answer that come bubbling to the surface was from the voice of my little girl.

Continue reading →

Self Rewards

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, affirmations, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, Family, introjects, self-reward, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

As I said earlier, I was able to read an entire book in one day. The book was called “Telling Yourself the Truth“.

The most singular thing which stood out in this book was that of self-rewards.

Continue reading →

She Talked

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, cptsd, introject, lonliness, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

More on my journey through the labyrinth of dealing with life without using any addictive substances or engaging in any obsessive behaviors.

*  *  *

Yesterday, at church, I had a tremendous urge to jump up out of my seat and explain to the other congregation members what the pastor was talking about. I’ve had these urges many times in the past. They are so strong that I have to grab the seat with my hands so as not to jump up.

Continue reading →

The ‘Introject-Father’

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, cptsd, Family, introject, PTSD, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Going through this process, I’ve been thinking in metaphor a lot.

Lately, in the process of my recovery path through the minefield of no addictions or obsessions, the word ‘introject’ has been coming to my mind a great deal.  An introject is a group of personality characteristics that are infused into someone from the personality of another person.  From what I’ve read, it is quite common for children to acquire introjects of their parents. I had a real father, but I also have an ‘introject-father’. Though it may seem like they are one and the same, these are actually two very different types of entities, and so can be related to in two entirely different ways. It’s because of this difference that I’m seeing that there actually is a possibility for recovery.

Continue reading →

My Journey Out From Under the Gun of a Psychopath

15 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

anti-social, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, cptsd, post traumatic stress disorder, psychopath, PTSD, relationship, sobriety, trauma, trauma bonding, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Trauma Bonding and Living with a Psychopath

My father was a psychopath. He’s dead now. As a child I lived with him. He never left the family, so I lived with him my whole growing up.

Continue reading →

Putting Down the Knife

13 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

C-PTSD, dissociatve disorder, God, personality integration, popularity, PTSD, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )

This is a continuation post about my experiences facing crisis without resorting to any addictive substances or obsessive behaviors I’ve always run to, to escape the emotional pain life crises like this one, have brought me.

Continue reading →

After the Memory… Now What?

10 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, cptsd, PTSD, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )

(the previous post that relates to this one is here:
And This is the Way He Would Beat Her  )

*  *  *

When present-day pain gets enmeshed with horrific pain from the past, it can really be mind-skewing. My way of coping with this sort of experience has always been to run desperately into any addictive substance or obsessive behavior I could get my hands on. Because I didn’t do that this time, the memory of the violence came bubbling up to the surface of my consciousness in crystal clear form. I haven’t touched this memory, with this amount of vivid detail, since I endured it as a small child.

*  *  *

Continue reading →

And This is The Way He Would Beat Her

09 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

abuse, C-PTSD, child abuse, cptsd, PTSD, trauma, violence

the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast

*  *  *

From out of the haze of this crisis (a good Christian friend of mine telling me to take a hike) I re-dreamed a memory I’ve carried with me all my life. The dream came with such force that it felt like I was actually re-living the experience as a child again. This time however, in a vivid detail I had forgotten, it became clear to me, why I thought I was going to be killed during a beating.

*  *  *

and this is the way he would beat her.

Continue reading →

Introduction

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Jesus, Mental health, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, Ulcerative Colitis, violence

Hello… and thank you for stopping by.

Mine has been a tough life. I am not sure why it had to be that way, but it has been tough since the beginning. There are many things I deal with; Complex PTSD and DID from some extreme child abuse, schizo-affective disorder, alcoholism, suicide obsession, ulcerative colitis, constant anxiety, and a junk food obsession which is what I am working on with God right now.

Continue reading →

My Story – Part 4

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, Family, PTSD, Sexual abuse, violence, Violence and Abuse

THE OTHER ABUSES

There was the covert sexual abuse but nothing overt that I remember…. parents walking around naked… leering… embarrassing statements made… my dad needing to ‘talk’ with me while I was taking a bath. There was no lock on the bathroom door and, besides, I couldn’t say no to him. Also, since there were no doors on the bedrooms, there was the getting dressed and undressed under the watching eyes of my father and brother.

Continue reading →

My Story – Part 7

17 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in My Life Story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

C-PTSD, California, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Depression, Family, God, Major depressive disorder, Mental disorder, Mental health, PTSD

My Separation from the Family

Abuse can create a hugely entangled relationship between a child and their parents (for me, it was mostly with my father).  My parents convinced me that this world was a horrible place and that I should stay home at all costs. I believed them. Though it appeared on the outside that they couldn’t wait to be rid of me, I think my parents wanted me to stay with them forever. But at some point children have to leave their childhood homes; I went off to college but found myself so terrified of the world that I went crawling back to mommy and daddy again.

Continue reading →

About Theophostic Prayer Ministry

18 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, christianity, complex ptsd, emotions, God, Mental health, Paradigm shift, pastoral counseling, post traumatic stress disorder, Prayer, PTSD, Theophostic, therapy, trauma

I’ve been reading a book on Theophostic Prayer Ministry. Very interesting. Has anyone else heard about this type of therapy? As I was reading it, I noticed that it resonated with my own story. I have experienced more than several spontaneous (prayer induced) healings in my life that resulted in permanent heart-changing views about… who I was… what life was about… what I could overcome… and many other things.

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

Categories

  • About Addiction
  • Anything Else
  • Child Abuse Trauma
  • Day to day life
  • Dialogues with God
  • From My Journal
  • Marriage
  • mental illness
  • My "No Addictions" Experiment
  • My Life Story
  • My Testimony
  • parenting
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Songs & Books
  • Spiritual Experiences
  • What I know about God
  • What I'm Learning About Life
  • What I'm learning about relationships
  • What I'm learning in Al Anon
  • What I'm learning in therapy

Archives

  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2017
  • April 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • April 2013

Blogs I Follow

  • My Blog / Website
  • Church Set Free
  • Jean's Writing
  • Sammy Holiday
  • I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
  • #AskMyrtle
  • A WordPress Site
  • follow your nose
  • A Buick in the Land of Lexus
  • King of States!
  • Random Storyteller
  • PRINCESS KICK-ASS
  • Under Reconstruction
  • trudgingdestiny
  • thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere
  • thegirlwriting
  • The Girl With Words
  • DIDdispatches Blog
  • the anxiously depressed
  • Christian INTP
  • Susan Irene Fox
  • THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL
  • Wild Truth
  • The Aspirational Agnostic
  • lulufille
  • In My Father's House
  • Coming2Him
  • Heather Kopp
  • Isaiah 41 v 10
  • Highly Sensitive Matters

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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