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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Tag Archives: abstinence

What It Was Like for Me As An Alcoholic

13 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, My Life Story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, adult children of alcoholics, alcohol, alcoholism, child abuse, destressing, emotional growth, Mental health, physiological conditions, stress, trauma

It was a very hard row to hoe for me to get sober. Very, very hard. I barely made it. It took everything I had to get and stay sober. Many times I almost lost this precious sobriety I hold so dear. Having alcoholism is horrible. It’s a horrible condition. It stunted my emotional and mental growth because of the way I metabolized it, I can only say this from the inside, I do not know what it’s like to be a non-alcoholic, but this is what I believe as an alcoholic.

Continue reading →

Suddenly I Can Meditate

04 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12-step, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, God, inspiration, meditation, Mental health, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

Suddenly I find I can meditate! I’m doing it for an hour a day with almost no trouble at all. AA’s Step 11 (Sought through Prayer and Meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him) was absolutely impossible for me. It used to be, even at 34 years sober, that I couldn’t sit quietly for even a couple of minutes. The goolie and goblins would get me. Those goolies called:

You’re nothing but a piece of shit! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! No body wants you let alone loves you! Why don’t you just go away and die! (etc, etc, etc.)

Continue reading →

The Peace of God Can Be Found Inside the Spaces

27 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, peace, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

This is a copy of a post I wrote about six months ago –
Yet now I am feeling this way on a long term basis not just for a day like I was here.

 

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

*  *  *

Here is a list of things I no longer practice:
Things I No Longer Practice

*  *  *

This ride of  ‘no addictions or obsessions’ has suddenly transformed itself. Up until now, I’ve been careening at break-neck speed, through the pitch blackness, on a hairy, frightening, roller coaster; being tossed around like a rag-doll, completely out of emotional control. But suddenly, an abrupt change has occurred. Suddenly I’m finding myself in a place of absolute quiet stillness. It feels like I’m riding on a smooth white platform that’s silently and swiftly skimming across the surface of a pale blue, sparkling, glassy sea.

Continue reading →

What To Do With Sin-Trauma

24 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, sin, trauma, violence

When God first made man… Genesis 1:26 …

Let us make man-kind
in our image.

God told Noah (even after the fall)… Genesis 9:6 …

For men are made
in God’s own image.

It is my belief that the above passages infer that every person (and not just Christians I might add) on planet earth carries a piece of our holy creator within themselves. From the president of the United States to the people who call the streets their home… everyone carries a piece of the Holy God… an image of Him… inside their persons (however, those who heed God’s call to Jesus the saving Christ, have a soul redeeming relationship).

Continue reading →

I Can’t Connect

20 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

AA, abstinence, abuse, Addiction, alcholism, anti-social, attachment disorder, Christian, christianity, connection, God, rad, surrender

I continue on in my quest as an addict into the world of no addictions.

It’s been officially a year now since I put the sugar down; six months since the cigarettes. I’m digging deep into my psyche. It started out with curiosity. I’ve been desperate to know… “Through practicing all these addictions, what the heck have I been running away from so hard?” Now it’s come to take on a life of it’s own. Here’s where I  now.

Continue reading →

Her

10 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, character defects, complex ptsd, exercise, Family, junk food, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, relationship, Theophostic, TPM

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

It feels like the noose is getting tighter. Liking myself is predicated on not junking out on any drug foods. Now this abstinence even includes abstaining from Costco frozen yogurt and doing 20 minutes exercise on the elliptical??!! I don’t know if there is a bottom to this ‘abstinence’ business.

Continue reading →

I’m Still on the Damned Roller Coaster Ride!!

06 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, My "No Addictions" Experiment

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, denial, food obsession, grief, grieving process, junk food, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, rage

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

It seems I’m on the emotional ‘roller coaster’ again with no idea where I’m going to next. Apparently I haven’t arrived at God’s destination for me as the ride isn’t over yet. I’m so tired of … one… more… time… having to deal with all these uncontrollably, wild feelings!! It’s not bad enough that I have to deal with food addiction; I have to deal with all this child-abuse-PTSD too!!??

Continue reading →

Love: It’s a Physical Thing

25 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Christ, complex ptsd, food, God, Jesus, Love, PTSD, sponsorship, trauma

Up to the age of 27, I had never encountered what people call… Love. My parents didn’t know about it, nor could they recognize it either. In fact, they came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as Love. There was no Love in my childhood and when I became an adult, I was savage enough that, even if I did happen to come across it, I wouldn’t have recognized it if it had come and kissed me on the cheek. I ran away from any kind of closeness others might have wanted with me. By the time I was adult age, the only feeling I had for others was… fear… even terror.

Continue reading →

More Problems… Damn It!!!

14 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, compulsive overeating, cutting, homicide, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

Another problem has started to rear it’s ugly head in this
no-addictions / no-obsessions trial.

!@!@!@ CRAP  @!@!@!

That’s all I can say…. Crap… Crap… Crap… and Damn It!!

I want this to be over.

I’m tired of being on the tracks… being hit by so many trains.

I want to get well!  And NOW!!!

I don’t want to be doing this anymore!

Continue reading →

Looking at an AA Principle : from the View of a Child-Abuse Survivor

12 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, obsession, PTSD, resentment, self-hatred, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING:

As most of you who read this blog know by now, I am in the process of releasing all my addictions and obsessions. If anyone here wants to take a stab at doing this, I believe that a firm hold on sobriety is necessary first before making this attempt. I don’t think it’s for those who are still unsteady on their feet from recently having let go of their primary addiction. For me, it’s been 34 years of only alcohol abstinence; ‘Easy Does It’… ‘First Things First’… ‘Think it Through’… ‘Live and Let Live’… ‘One Day (or moment) at a Time’… and working the Steps. Please be cautious if trying go the ‘no addiction/obsession’ route while you’re still struggling to stay sober because it can possibly introduce enormous amounts of stress and pain into your life. It took me a very long time to even take a stab at it. I’ve been praying for the strength to take this on for the last 30 years.

Continue reading →

No “Uncover; Discover; Discard” for me.

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aa slogans, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

I want to apologize for the quality of my writing lately. Since the writing of the above post, I haven’t been getting very good sleep and, even though I’ve seen my psychiatrist three times in the last two weeks, the medication regime adjustments for the Bipolar, have not yet helped very much.

I don’t think that the AA slogan: “Uncover; Discover; Discard” is something to try to push an alcoholic, who was abused as a child, to do. Furthermore, I don’t think it is a saying that Bill and Bob would have approved of either.

Continue reading →

Self-Hatred

25 Sunday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, self-hate, self-hatred, spiritual

  (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

*  *  *

At last… a very short post!

Continue reading →

I Can’t Believe What I Did! I Can’t Believe What I Did!

21 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, relationship, renewal, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

 (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

*  *  *

Hi guys!

I just have to tell you about what happened to me a couple days ago. I’m so excited I’m busting a gut! It’s very short, but here’s the story…

Continue reading →

Exodus 20:2-4 – Addictions and Obsessions I No Longer Practice

19 Monday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcholism, Christian, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )
At the bottom of this post is a link to the next one.

*  *  *

Exodus 20:2-4…

I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.

These are the verses I’m totally laser-focused on right now. I am doing my level best to live by them. Suddenly I can see their profound meaning for our current times – as clear… as… day. To put it mildly, the rewards for making God my main man, are astonishingly miraculous.

Please find…

Jeremiah 33:3

*  *  *

HOW MANY OF THESE THINGS DO YOU RECOGNIZE IN YOURSELF?

Continue reading →

This is What ‘jumping the tracks’ Looks Like

16 Friday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, inspiration, New Testament, obsession, Paul, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast  )

In the saga of: “Living Life With No Addictions or Obsessions”, my journey continues.

The last few days I’ve been full to the brim with fear. Terrified really.

Continue reading →

Co-Dependence: I Can’t Talk About It

15 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, co-dependence, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, spirituality, trauma

(The first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

So far, I’ve been pretty good about working on my goal of “You Shall Have No Other God’s Before Me” (the 1st commandment in the Bible). So far so good.

But a couple of days ago, I jumped the tracks. I got a little bit back into co-dependence.

Continue reading →

‘Out In The Field’ With God

14 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Holy Spirit, Paradigm shift, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

Hi Pastor D & K,   (both of them are therapists)

(sorry this is so long – I couldn’t make it any shorter and still say what I needed to say).

I’ve been out in the field with God for a long time, but have taken many long, long  ‘breaks’ (through various addictions) from my studies. Though I’ve been freed from alcohol obsession for 34 years, I’ve been substituting many other secondary addictions to take it’s place. I could not stop these other addictions myself, so I’ve been praying, for all my sober 34 years, to have these other addictions removed. With all my heart, I’ve wanted “No other gods before God”.

Continue reading →

A Brutally Honest E-Mail I Sent To My AA Friend

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, drugs, God, mental illness, PTSD, sobriety, trauma, violence

(I wrote this e-mail to an AA friend/sponsor, after waking up at 4 am from out of the haze of several very tricky victim dreams. I have used tricks in the past to deal with these types of dreams, but this time they were so tricky that none of the tricks I’ve used, to neutralize them, worked. This is why I decided to get up and write this e-mail to my AA friend.)

Continue reading →

The Peace of God Can Be Found Inside the Spaces

03 Saturday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

abstinence, God, space, time, transformation

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

*  *  *

Here is a list of things I no longer practice:
Things I No Longer Practice

*  *  *

This ride of  ‘no addictions or obsessions’ has suddenly transformed itself. Up until now, I’ve been careening at break-neck speed, through the pitch blackness, on a hairy, frightening, roller coaster; being tossed around like a rag-doll, completely out of emotional control. But suddenly, an abrupt change has occurred. Suddenly I’m finding myself in a place of absolute quiet stillness. It feels like I’m riding on a smooth white platform that’s silently and swiftly skimming across the surface of a pale blue, sparkling, glassy sea.

Continue reading →

It’s A Strange New World

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, God, Mental health, mental illness, personality integration, PTSD, recovery, sobriety, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Begin A Social Outcast )

I used to have difficult feelings of aloneness and rejection because of being mostly alone here in blog-world, but this is changing. I still feel like I’m pretty much alone here, but since the ability to God/Self Soothe has ‘clicked in’ (by going through what I did the last 2 months) I’m definitely holding within myself, a dramatically different view of this aloneness. I think what I’ve been doing so far has really pushed me around the corner in my ability to adapt to inner and outer stresses. I really do believe I’ve come to a place where God is truly my ‘center’ – for everything.

Continue reading →

To Sum Up So Far

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, food addiction, God, Mental health, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here: On Being A Social Outcast  )

Something profoundly wonderful has happened to me of late. It started in 1980 when I gave up my primary addiction – alcohol. Not long after I got sober, I began to lean very heavily on junk (flour/sugar) foods to distance myself from the agony of life without booze. I knew that doing the food thing was not good, but I was in so much emotional angst that I couldn’t stop myself. Two years into the agony of giving up this primary addiction, I had my first experience with your Christian God who (through the person of Jesus Christ) got through to me, in a very powerful way, how much He deeply, profoundly, and unconditionally, loved me. And He gave me the Holy Spirit in a very palpable way.

Continue reading →

This is ‘Space Mountain’

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

abstinence, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, disney land, PTSD, sobriety, space mountain, terror, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

So…. About Space Mountain.

Continue reading →

A Trip on Space Mountain

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Anxiety, C-PTSD, child abuse, PTSD, sobriety, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

This is a post on the continuing saga of my ‘friend’ telling me to take a hike and my going through the ensuring storm without running to any addictive substances or obsessive behaviors.

Continue reading →

I Don’t Trust AAer’s

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Here I go, morphing again. I feel like I’m riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland. The Matterhorn is a roller-coaster that you ride in complete darkness. You can’t see anything so you don’t know what’s coming next. This is how I’ve been feeling since the beginning of going through this crisis (my best friend telling me to shove off with no explanation) without running to any addiction of any kind; either substance or behavior.

Continue reading →

Self Rewards

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, affirmations, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, Family, introjects, self-reward, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

As I said earlier, I was able to read an entire book in one day. The book was called “Telling Yourself the Truth“.

The most singular thing which stood out in this book was that of self-rewards.

Continue reading →

She Talked

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

abstinence, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, cptsd, introject, lonliness, PTSD, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

More on my journey through the labyrinth of dealing with life without using any addictive substances or engaging in any obsessive behaviors.

*  *  *

Yesterday, at church, I had a tremendous urge to jump up out of my seat and explain to the other congregation members what the pastor was talking about. I’ve had these urges many times in the past. They are so strong that I have to grab the seat with my hands so as not to jump up.

Continue reading →

The ‘Introject-Father’

21 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, cptsd, Family, introject, PTSD, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Going through this process, I’ve been thinking in metaphor a lot.

Lately, in the process of my recovery path through the minefield of no addictions or obsessions, the word ‘introject’ has been coming to my mind a great deal.  An introject is a group of personality characteristics that are infused into someone from the personality of another person.  From what I’ve read, it is quite common for children to acquire introjects of their parents. I had a real father, but I also have an ‘introject-father’. Though it may seem like they are one and the same, these are actually two very different types of entities, and so can be related to in two entirely different ways. It’s because of this difference that I’m seeing that there actually is a possibility for recovery.

Continue reading →

God Dialogue – October 25, 2013

06 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Dialogues with God, My "No Addictions" Experiment

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, child abuse, compulsive overeating, diet, eating, exercise, food, God, god dialogue, Health, Holy Spirit, Intimate relationship, Mental health, weight, Weight loss

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast)

(this particular post is out of sequence. I included it because it was written at the very beginning of the experiment. However, I was still smoking at this time.)

*  *  *

I’ve been abstaining from junk food and compulsive overeating for 40 days tomorrow and I’m beginning to feel like I’m slogging up-hill with it. Today was tough and the absence of weight-loss is making it doubly tough.

I go to God (Pops is my name for Him) with almost all my problems and dilemmas and we have ‘talks’ until I get my head straightened back out again. This is one of those talks.

Continue reading →

The Funny Spot

28 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcohol, alcoholism, gambling, money, relationships, sex, shopping, soma, vicodin

I was talking to an AA new-comer the other day and, as I was talking to her,  this came to the forefront of my mind.

I have a ‘funny spot’ in my brain.

In my brain there is a ‘funny spot’ that only certain chemicals and stuff will hit, and alcohol is just one of these. When I drank it, it did something to a spot in my brain that made all my troubles magically go away. When I drank it, somehow I felt lifted up out of the muck of my life.

You know what’s so funny though?

Continue reading →

Is AA for Alcoholics?

28 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AA, abstinence, alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, drinking, Mental health, mental illness

Is AA really for alcoholics?

That sounds really, really strange doesn’t it?

How could someone say such a thing!?
That’s blasphemy!

Well then… who is AA actually for if not for those people who know they’re alcoholics? Who the hell is it for then?!

This is what I think. This is only my own opinion.

Continue reading →

I Quit!

22 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

abstinence, Addictions, christianity, compulsive overeating, God, Holy Spirit, junk food, Mental health, smoking, spirituality, weight

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been hiding from the world. But T.E.Hanna had a good talking to me and I’m back on track again… I hope.

That’s right, I’ve quit!

What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve quit the junk food habit for six months now. Recently I also quit smoking (over two months). I’ve quit compulsively crocheting and I’ve quit compulsive computing as well. And that’s just to name a few of the things I’ve quit.

Continue reading →

From My Journal – 7 – Therapy

21 Thursday Nov 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in From My Journal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, child abuse, child within, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, crying, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, spirituality, tears, therapist, therapy, trauma

So I went to therapy yesterday. I love my current therapist, Elizabeth. I love, love, love her. She’s so busy that I have to make appointments up to two months in advance to keep my same time slot. Where I go, you can’t claim a regular slot for yourself, you have to take what you can get. I was lucky. Someone had cancelled so I got to meet with her yesterday.

Continue reading →

From my Journal – 6 – Help with the Projection

22 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in From My Journal, Spiritual Experiences

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, anti-social, Anxiety, child abuse, complex ptsd, Group psychotherapy, Intimate relationship, journaling, Love, Mental health, mental illness, Prayer, projection, PTSD, spirituality

This pertains to Journal entry # 4.

About a week ago, I got some very interesting help with the projection I did during the Woman’s Weekend for my church.

Continue reading →

From My Journal – 5 – Self Hatred

21 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, From My Journal, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, alcoholism, anti-social, Anxiety, child abuse, complex ptsd, God, journal, Mental health, mental illness, Overeaters Anonymous, PTSD, relationship, self-hatred, Suicide

I’m still abstaining from flour/sugar products. On the 15th it will be three months.

I was on the phone with my Overeater’s Anonymous (OA) sponsor last night and what came out was the word depression. She asked why the depression and I could only say; “I don’t know why.”  So she suggested I write about it… which is why I’m writing about it.

Continue reading →

From my Journal – 4 – Projection

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, From My Journal

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abstinence, Anxiety, child abuse, complex ptsd, Defence mechanism, Delusion, God, Holy Spirit, Psychology, Psychosis, PTSD, relationship, trauma, Twilight Zone, violence

Remember, I said I was going to write with complete abandon on this blog? Well this is one of those times. I’ve written this post entirely uncensored. I have written this with utter abandon.

*  *  *

Continue reading →

From My Journal – 2

19 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, From My Journal

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Tags

abstinence, anti-social, Anxiety, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, God, intimacy, intimacy with God, Mental health, PTSD, relationship

Getting on my knees is getting harder and harder. I am railing against turning my life and will over to something other than myself. I am so used to taking care of me by myself. Funny… I need God to stay away from alcohol. I have a conscious connection with Him all day long… to stay sober. But this food business is a whole lot trickier than the alcohol. I am truly bewildered by it all.

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From My Journal – 1

18 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life, From My Journal

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Tags

abstinence, anti-social, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, God, Health, journaling, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Sadness, trauma

I feel so, so sad these last few days. My eyes look dead to me in the mirror. Life is sad. The days go by and nothing happens in them. I feel like I should cry but I can’t cry.

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What Does Abstinence Have to do with Recovery?

15 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Day to day life

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Tags

12-step, abstinence, Addiction, child abuse, diet, Eating Disorders, God, Health, Mental health, mental illness, Overeaters Anonymous, relationship, spirituality, trauma, weight

I am currently talking about abstaining from junk food, but what does this have to do with recovery?

Everything

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Something Many Will Not Understand…

13 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

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Tags

12-step, abstinence, Anxiety, child abuse, Diaphragmatic breathing, God, Health, Jesus, Mental health, Posttraumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma

Because of childhood abuse and a vicious attack, I have been dealing with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in therapy since my 20’s. I am in my 50’s now. But in November of 2010, my God (whom I call Papa; Pops for short) stepped in and released me from something attached to this PTSD, that was transforming.

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Just For Your Information…

12 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I'm Learning About Life

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Tags

5-Hydroxytryptophan, abstinence, child abuse, compulsive overeating, food, Health, Mental health, PTSD, Serotonin, trauma, weight

This information is from a non-medical person so please take it as such, having this in mind.

I have told many personal friends who have difficulty with abstinence about this but no one yet has taken me seriously. This is why I am putting out this information. I want to tell other abstainers about this substance that has been doing miraculous things with my junk food cravings.

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

Categories

  • About Addiction
  • Anything Else
  • Child Abuse Trauma
  • Day to day life
  • Dialogues with God
  • From My Journal
  • Marriage
  • mental illness
  • My "No Addictions" Experiment
  • My Life Story
  • My Testimony
  • parenting
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Songs & Books
  • Spiritual Experiences
  • What I know about God
  • What I'm Learning About Life
  • What I'm learning about relationships
  • What I'm learning in Al Anon
  • What I'm learning in therapy

Archives

  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2017
  • April 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • June 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • April 2013

Blogs I Follow

  • My Blog / Website
  • Church Set Free
  • Jean's Writing
  • Sammy Holiday
  • I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
  • #AskMyrtle
  • A WordPress Site
  • follow your nose
  • A Buick in the Land of Lexus
  • King of States!
  • Random Storyteller
  • PRINCESS KICK-ASS
  • Under Reconstruction
  • trudgingdestiny
  • thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere
  • thegirlwriting
  • The Girl With Words
  • DIDdispatches Blog
  • the anxiously depressed
  • Christian INTP
  • Susan Irene Fox
  • THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL
  • Wild Truth
  • The Aspirational Agnostic
  • lulufille
  • In My Father's House
  • Coming2Him
  • Heather Kopp
  • Isaiah 41 v 10
  • Highly Sensitive Matters

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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