Self-Hatred

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, complex ptsd, inspiration, Jesus, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, self-hate, self-hatred, spiritual

  (the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

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More on my… ~no-addictions~ … ~no-obsessions~ … adventure.

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At last… a very short post!

The ‘Introject-Father’

Tags

abandonment, abstinence, Addiction, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, cptsd, Family, introject, PTSD, trama, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.

Going through this process, I’ve been thinking in metaphor a lot.

Lately, in the process of my recovery path through the minefield of no addictions or obsessions, the word ‘introject’ has been coming to my mind a great deal.  An introject is a group of personality characteristics that are infused into someone from the personality of another person.  From what I’ve read, it is quite common for children to acquire introjects of their parents. I had a real father, but I also have an ‘introject-father’. Though it may seem like they are one and the same, these are actually two very different types of entities, and so can be related to in two entirely different ways. It’s because of this difference that I’m seeing that there actually is a possibility for recovery.

My Story – Part 8

Tags

abandonment, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, Prayer, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

How I Turned Out After All This

Because my parents were pretty ‘out there’ as far as religion was concerned, I have a very spotty religious internal background. My parents took us to the Unitarian church until I and my sister were about eight years old and my brother was four. Then this most liberal of protestant churches kicked us out. As I have talked about earlier, my parents had a very warped view on the spiritual, or religious, aspects of living.

From My Journal – 3

Tags

abandonment, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, Family, journal, Mental health, mental illness, Overeaters Anonymous, PTSD, relationship, trauma, violence

So this morning I’ve been feeling sorry for myself… feeling like an abandoned little waif. This is difficult, writing so that you might read my stuff. I want to let my hair down a bit and allow you into my world. I wear my hair in a ponytail. It’s uncomfortable to leave it hanging down. This is difficult. Impossible? I will keep trying.

One More Time…

Tags

abandonment, anti-social, child abuse, Christian, Family, Mental health, mental illness, PTSD, rejection, relationship

Many times I’ve heard in AA… “What you think of me is none of my business.” But I don’t seem to be able to jump that hurdle…yet. The paranoia of rejection blows mightily inside me. It shreds me until I’m stupid.