What It Was Like for Me As An Alcoholic

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abstinence, Addiction, adult children of alcoholics, alcohol, alcoholism, child abuse, destressing, emotional growth, Mental health, physiological conditions, stress, trauma

It was a very hard row to hoe for me to get sober. Very, very hard. I barely made it. It took everything I had to get and stay sober. Many times I almost lost this precious sobriety I hold so dear. Having alcoholism is horrible. It’s a horrible condition. It stunted my emotional and mental growth because of the way I metabolized it, I can only say this from the inside, I do not know what it’s like to be a non-alcoholic, but this is what I believe as an alcoholic.

Introduction

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C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, God, Jesus, Mental health, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, Ulcerative Colitis, violence

Hello… and thank you for stopping by.

Mine has been a tough life. I am not sure why it had to be that way, but it has been tough since the beginning. There are many things I deal with; Complex PTSD and DID from some extreme child abuse, schizo-affective disorder, alcoholism, suicide obsession, ulcerative colitis, constant anxiety, and a junk food obsession which is what I am working on with God right now.

My Story – Part 1

Tags

child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, trauma, violence

I’m going to publish my story in segments. I’m cutting it into segments because it’s quite a long story.

My Story – Part 2

Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

HOME LIFE

Life was pretty hard in my childhood home. Both my parents were extremely paranoid and taught their children to mistrust all human beings. I was told that people would “STAB YOU IN THE BACK”  and “EAT YOU ALIVE”.  No one came to visit. Neither of my parents had any friends and we were kept in forced isolation at home for this reason.

My Story – Part 3

Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

Although the abuse I suffered was difficult there is a continuum to this. Many suffered less than me of course but, in reading others’ blogs, I’ve come to the realization… there are plenty of people out there who, as children, suffered a great deal more than I did.

My Story – Part 4

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, Family, PTSD, Sexual abuse, violence, Violence and Abuse

THE OTHER ABUSES

There was the covert sexual abuse but nothing overt that I remember…. parents walking around naked… leering… embarrassing statements made… my dad needing to ‘talk’ with me while I was taking a bath. There was no lock on the bathroom door and, besides, I couldn’t say no to him. Also, since there were no doors on the bedrooms, there was the getting dressed and undressed under the watching eyes of my father and brother.

My Story – Part 5

Tags

abuse, anti-social, Anxiety, Belief, child abuse, complex ptsd, Family, Indoctrination, Love, Mental disorder, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Truth

MOM AND DAD’s ‘BELIEF SYSTEM’

There was ritual abuse. From the time I could sit up in a chair and understand the English language… around 4 years old, I was indoctrinated into mom and dad’s system of religious beliefs.

My Story – Part 6

Tags

child abuse, christianity, Family, PTSD, violence

THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I was never allowed to become a member of the neighborhood gang. I didn’t fit in with the other kids. I tried and tried but was a dismal failure at it.

My Story – Part 7

Tags

C-PTSD, California, child abuse, christianity, complex ptsd, Depression, Family, God, Major depressive disorder, Mental disorder, Mental health, PTSD

My Separation from the Family

Abuse can create a hugely entangled relationship between a child and their parents (for me, it was mostly with my father).  My parents convinced me that this world was a horrible place and that I should stay home at all costs. I believed them. Though it appeared on the outside that they couldn’t wait to be rid of me, I think my parents wanted me to stay with them forever. But at some point children have to leave their childhood homes; I went off to college but found myself so terrified of the world that I went crawling back to mommy and daddy again.

My Story – Part 8

Tags

abandonment, christianity, complex ptsd, Family, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, Prayer, PTSD, relationship, spirituality, trauma

How I Turned Out After All This

Because my parents were pretty ‘out there’ as far as religion was concerned, I have a very spotty religious internal background. My parents took us to the Unitarian church until I and my sister were about eight years old and my brother was four. Then this most liberal of protestant churches kicked us out. As I have talked about earlier, my parents had a very warped view on the spiritual, or religious, aspects of living.