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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Category Archives: Child Abuse Trauma

Why We’re Here

31 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, My Testimony, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

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God, heaven, Job, Job of the Bible, Satan, sobriety, spirits, stress, struggles, struggles as opportunities, suffering, visceral learning, why we're here, wizard of oz

Why I think we’re here on this planet. I believe these things because of my own experiences after 40 years sober.

Does God ‘test’ us? No, I don’t think so.

I don’t think it’s God who is doing these terrible things we experience here. I think Satan rules this world and is the author of all our sorrows. Satan is the one who relishes our pain. Not God.

Think about the story of Job.

God made sure we knew that it wasn’t Him who wreaked havoc with Job. He allowed Satan to do it. But not for what Satan thought. “To get him good!” God had another idea for it all. He had something in mind to do to Job and, at the same time, relay information to us (when we have to go through Job experiences) through the story. It was all in His plan. But in the story He, on purpose, wanted to  make it very clear that he doesn’t do stuff like that to us. He is our Father and wants us to know that the shit we go through does not come from Him. He doesn’t want us to run from Him as though the shit we’re going through comes from His throne. He wants us to run away from Satan – and to – Him. Just like He knew Job would do.

But He does allow for shit to happen. He allows Satan to run rampant through our lives while we’re here.

Why?

I think it’s quite a sophisticated plan He has devised. Unbeknownst to Satan, He’s is using that evil being for His own purposes. Purposes for our good.

Because, while we’re here, using Satan as His tool,  God is giving us the fortunate opportunity to learn things through experiencing them and, using the free will He blessed us with, make some very important decisions based on those visceral experiences. While our spirits are without bodies we are unable to learn some very important things that cannot be taught through ‘book learning’ in the heavenlys.  So He sends us here to go through ‘on-the-job training’. Book learning helps to gain knowledge to some extent, but it’s the on-the-job training that allows us to learn things in much deeper ways than simply talking about them in class. It was all about getting through to our ‘viscera’.  Way down to that deep place, where we truly live and breathe.

In the story, Job went through a deep period of on-the-job-training as he experienced all those stressful things. The loss of his livelihood, his children (who, by the way didn’t die as no spirit ever dies in God’s realm. Spirits just go back to be with God. Remember, He reclaimed all of them in a very quick and painless way), and his health. What happened in the end of all this stress? He was given the gift of hitting an emotional bottom. And why is hitting bottom a gift? Because it is a very good vehicle for separating us from ‘old ideas’ we cling to that don’t serve us well; misconstrued ideas we clung to while in spirit where we weren’t able to get opportunities to go through stresses strong enough to sever them from us. Stresses that force us to make desperate decisions. To make us desperately want (the key) to pick up new ideas, and not just feel like we need to – or (even worse) feel we ‘should’ (ugg!!). Ideas that pertain to relating and relying on God and wanting to truly rest in His love. And truly realizing, that in the universe of real reality, where there’s furious forces of good and evil,  just how ‘powerless’ we actually are. Only God knows how to do battle with of the forces of evil. We need to choose Him and run from the evil – not the other way around. That’s why it’s very important to understand that it’s not God who’s causing the pain. He is the salve, run to Him, not away. Remember, in the story, He specifically stated that the stress came from the Evil One. It was Satan who started the craziness – not God.

Before everything happened to Job, God knew he was going to pick his God and not curse Him. But he loved Job and wanted him to be blessed in a very deep and meaningful way; to become intimate with our God like he’d never been before and to gain a new and more wonderful relationship with Him.

Realize this. At the end, God came to Job! He did not just leave him to suffer torment forever, but only for the time it took to learn something. As a result of the temporary experience of suffering, Job was changed. In his bottom, Jobs’ ears were opened in a new and deep way so that he was able to hear and assimilate information God was now able to convey to him at viscera level.  The suffering emptied Job and allowed him to take in a new understanding of God because it changed him down to his DNA. He was now able – to viscerally incorporate – this new information.  God didn’t convey this information to his buddies, nor to us as we’re only reading it in a book, but to Job alone. They (and we) could not get it the way Job now could. And because of this Job was blessed. Job chose God instead of choosing the other way (not Him), and because of that now knew God in a way that he’d never known Him up until that time. And when the dust settled, God blessed his life more than it had ever been blessed before. Job gained everything he’d lost – and so much more. The ‘dross’ of riches (that keep us from entering the kingdom of God) were torn away and he could come out from it now with a new richer and more rewarding walk with God on top of all his regained worldly riches and health. Because God loved Job – soooo much!!!

Job was a special guy in Gods’ eyes. God said this of His beloved Job in 1:8

“Then the Lord said to Satan,

Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears (awes) God and shuns evil.

I have had Job experiences, as I am sure you have too. Huge storms of stress. And in these, I do my best to always choose God. And, after the dust settles, making this choice has only served to make my life even more blessed. My life is better than I could ever have imagined it could be. But it’s not over yet. The storms are not over yet as I know I still have a few more old ideas I can’t stop clinging to without the help of suffering to separate me for them. But so far so good. Though not Job’s station, from where I came from, I too am already living a more and more JOB BLESSED LIFE!!!

God talks to all of us – just like He talked to Job. He talks to me too and, like Job, I do my best – to listen.

 *********************

I love ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

After everything was over and Glinda is talking to Dorothy, she says to her.

I couldn’t teach you this. You had to learn it for yourself.

And what did Dorothy learn?

That there is no place like ‘home’.

Before, Dorothy didn’t appreciate her home. She tried to run away from it. But afterwards, her heart wanted home like she’d never wanted it before.

My home is with God. And I know to my very heart, that for peace, joy, happiness, there’s no place like being with Him.

*********************

ps – when I am at the end of what I can take, I get under my soft blue blanket; curl up in a fetal position; let go of ‘the fight’; and say…

Help

But there’s a catch to this. The fruit (of old ideas) has to be ripe enough to fall away from the tree (you). And for this to happen, time is required for the ripening. Time to let the storms play out. As far as I know, there’s no way around walking through the necessary time to allow the fruit to become ripe enough to fall off. No short cuts. Time is required. Simple time.

Try the blanket trick though as much as you can – until your fruit is ripe enough for the magic to happen. I can’t really explain what the metamorphosis feels like, but you’ll know it when you get there.

So choose God. Always, always, always choose God.

A Wasted Life

02 Sunday Jun 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, mental illness, parenting, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life

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alcoholism, blogging, child abuse, degrees, flour/sugar addiction, junk food addiction, negative voices, old age, personal blog, statistician, statistics, Substance abuse, wasted life

I’m so sad. I’m crying my guts out right now.

I wasted my life. I’m 65 and I didn’t do anything with it. I had so much potential and it’s all gone down into the gutter. I got off the alcohol when I was 25 but I was doing white flour and sugar instead. I’m so alcoholic that those substances got me high. So, in doing them I avoided doing work to get the mean, nasty voices from my childhood out of my head. Voices that told me what a piece of shit I was – and stupid. I didn’t get off the flour/sugar until I was 30 years sober and then God removed those voices for me. But it’s a day late and a dollar short for me. I could have done great things with my life, but instead I’ve spent it all recovering from what happened to me as a child. This is all I’ve done with it. Nothing else. I feel so sad about this. So So So sad!!! I can’t tell you how sad I feel at seeing my life slip through my fingers and go nowhere.

Continue reading →

How to Stop Suicide Obsession

26 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning in therapy

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blogging, gratitude, gratitude list, Joel 2:25, personal blog, suicide obsession, thankfulness

(I used to be suicidally depressed but by practicing this attitude for the last 20 years or so, I got turned around.)

Like Looking for Golden Easter Eggs  —  It’s My Job to Find Them. To load my basket full of these Golden Gems of Happiness. For me, it’s an essential secret ingredient to having a decent life

Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust have eaten. The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust,  “You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied

Joel 2:25

This is my life passage. The more I think this way, the more abundant my life has become. It has been my experience that my life’s course is definitely affected by how I think about it.

Continue reading →

How to Make Life More Meaningful

26 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning in therapy

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blogging, CEN, Childhood Emotional Neglect, Dr Jonice Webb, emotions, feelings, making life meaningful, meaning of life, personal blog, relationships, why am I here?

(This came in my e-mail)

.Hi, It’s Dr. Jonice and one of the things I’ve noticed in my practice is that one of the most pernicious results of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is also…

Amazingly – the most directly fixable.

Who hasn’t, at some moments of their lives, wondered…

 What it’s all for?

What’s the point?

Why am I here on this earth?

What am I supposed to be doing?

Does anything really matter?

Continue reading →

Coffee Grounds

19 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences

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blogging, coffee grounds, God, holocaust, low self esteem, Maus, pain, persecution complex, personal blog, Poem, Poetry, prose, victimlicious

i dumped the coffee grounds this morning… all over everything.

i was trying to be so careful to take the coffee grounds container out of the coffee maker.

It flipped over.

It didn’t just flip over – it flipped over backwards.

Into everything on the counter that it could possibly flip into.

Wet coffee grounds… in every appliance – in the kitchen basket where i keep my rubber bands and pot holders.

i got so mad.

i feel really…  picked on.

Continue reading →

Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet

17 Friday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, From My Journal, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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Anxiety, blog, blogging, dogs, Family, Father, feelings, happiness, journal, making everyone happy, Nancy Napier, Parents, pets, relationships

I was laying in bed thinking. Why am I so anxious around everybody all the time? 100% of the time I am anxious around every person I come in contact with. Then something occurred to me as I was rubbing Joshy’s belly. Why don’t I feel love for my dogs? All they seem to me to be is – responsibility.

Continue reading →

More – Dealing With My Angry Husband

12 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, What I'm learning about relationships

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blog, blogging, defensiveness, fights, hope, making appoinments with you husband, Marriage, marriage problems, relationship

(go here to find out how this all began)

J came back with a thing I could try to get him to stop laying into me. He said I should say “You’re getting defensive”.  Oh well, it’s worth a shot and I’m ready for anything that might help. Maybe him coming up with it himself, he might be more open to this suggestion. I learned to make appointments with him about relationship issues and that works. Maybe doing this might work too. I can only hope.  (to be continued)

A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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blog, blogging, control, family motto, I have to take care of myself, letting go of control, Marriage, marriage problems, mottos, relationship

(go here to see how it all began)

So I went back and talked to him some more and what came out was this. We are BOTH vying for control. Both of us. He said it’s because we’re both insecure. This got me thinking. I agree. But why do I feel so insecure? It’s not really about him because this could happen with any man I would be in a relationship with. I’d do the same thing. Struggle for control. Well I was astounded! Here’s the reason – the germ of the problem.

Continue reading →

It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

blog, blogging, competency, dealing with men, fighting, Marriage, PTSD, verbal violence

(go here to see how this all began)

J laid into me for touching the air button without asking him first. I didn’t respond to the issue ‘perfectly’ so he gave me a ration. I tried telling him he was having a temper tantrum like a little boy and should grow up but it fell on deaf ears. So I resorted to telling him that when I don’t do things perfectly he goes off on me. What do I do to get him to stop expecting me to be perfect? Maybe just shut up until he’s done? I don’t have a clue but it’s really hard to be laid into when I’m not perfect. I resist. It’s a PTSD trigger. Dad expected me to be perfect too or he beat the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this sort of thing.

Continue reading →

On Whether or Not to Have Children

10 Friday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, parenting, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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adultry, birth control, child abuse, Children, daycare, divorce, having children, marriage problems, mental health services, reproduction, sex, ted talk, teen sex, teen suicide

I watched a Ted Talk on why people should have children.
https://www.ted.com/talks/wajahat_ali_the_case_for_having_kids?utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=daily&utm_medium=email&utm_content=button__2019-05-09

Well I disagree with this vehemently. And here’s why.

Continue reading →

On Being a Reject

05 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Dialogues with God, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm learning about relationships

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AA, ACA, adult children of alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, feeling worthless, God, journal, La Femme Nikita, rejection, relationships, self-esteem, spirituality, TV show, unwanted children

I watched LaFemme Nikita on TV tonight. It’s a totally weird show about the authorities not caring a twit about their ’employees’ lives, whether they live or die. Those in charge blatantly use people who were former prisoners and treat them as though they weren’t worth a nickel. I so related to that. It got to me and added umph to my feelings of worthlessness already.  As a child I felt like I wasn’t worth a nickel either. I feel totally worthless. Just like when I was growing up. I hope the ACA meeting will continue and not fold. I need ACA people. I want to call Anne but it’s 10 pm and she’s pretty old. I don’t want to be waking her up for such a stupid reason. I want to talk to someone about what happened today with Gordon and how I keep messing up and messing up with AA people. No matter how I try I keep messing up with them. I don’t belong in AA anymore. Continue reading →

I Don’t Feel Safe in AA

05 Sunday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships

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AA, AA meetings, ACA, adult children of alcoholics, Alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, conversation, fear, relationships

Jerry got me to go to the Saturday noon AA meeting. I shared that I didn’t feel safe in AA because my growth has been so slow – that I was just beginning to explore my ACA issues. I tried to be honest and Cheryl caught up on that but she didn’t approach me after the meeting. No one did. No one ever does no matter how I share. Whether I say things like I know it all, or I sound utterly incompetent, no one ever comes up to me after a meeting. After a while it starts to get to a person. All the rejection. I can’t face it and I can’t talk about it in a meeting. This is the one thing I can’t talk about – how I feel so rejected in AA. I ‘talked’ to Gordon after the meeting. I wanted to address him telling Jerry and me that he was afraid of his father. I thought I might be able to interest him in ACA (Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Families), but the conversation went nowhere and he ‘politely’ stepped away from me. It was all very uncomfortable. I’m not going back to mixed AA meetings. If there’s going to be any AA in my life at all it will be with women only.

Nancy Napier

01 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

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ACA, blog, communicate by the unconscious, complex ptsd, Family, Father, Holy Spirit, mental illness, Nancy Napier, orb, recreating Your Self, relationships, unconscious symbolism

I really needed to talk to someone but it’s midnight and I don’t want to disturb anyone at such a late hour.

I’ve been reading books by Nancy Napier. She works with self-hypnosis and she knows how to recover from child abuse like no one I’ve ever come in contact with before. I read Recreating Your Self and bought 3 more books by her.

One exercise she suggested was when you’re feeling something disturbing, make your ability to dissociate work for you. Give the disturbing feelings to the child within (who already owns them anyway) so that you can become calm enough to be able to support the child  with these out of control feelings.

Continue reading →

On being an ‘outsider’

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships

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being an outsider, book, Family, family roles, lost child role, Nancy Napier, recreating Your Self

(from my journal)

I was reading “Recreating Your Self” (Nancy Napier) where it talked about (pg 211) children having roles around their parents needs and interaction with each other and I was struck with how I fit into the family. I didn’t have a role to play at all. I only took abuse and shut up about it trying to make myself (though not very successfully) invisible. I didn’t ‘help’ my parents at all. I was not a part of the family at all. I was, and always will be, an outsider. I have a memory that just came up about going with mom on one of her daily walks. It was night and we were passing by the Pendergast’s house. We could see into their front window and watched the family all gathered together for dinner. We were outsiders looking in. For some reason this stuck with me deeply because it demonstrated, in living color, how much of an outsider I really am. Right there, I was an outsider – looking in.

Finding meditation impossible

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

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amygdala, corpus colosum, dissociation, dissociatve disorder, fighting, inner child work, logic, meditating, meditation, relationship, silly stickers, solfeggio, solfeggio tones, stickers

So I meditated today for 30 minutes just so I could put a sticker on my calendar. I’ve had the hardest time knuckling down and mediating. No matter what I do, I just won’t do it for very long. Maybe a few days but then I always find some reason to not do it. It’s about my little girl inside. She’s the one who doesn’t want to meditate – because she thinks it’s boring.

Continue reading →

Rejection

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships

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AA, ACA, alcoholism, child abuse, death, having value, la femme niketa, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, rejection, relationship, relationships, the heavens, TV show

I’m coming face to face with rejection. This thing with rejection is bealing to the surface since my recent move to this small town. I went to a mixed AA meeting with J – one-more-time and one-more-time got the cold shoulder. No one ever comes up to me after a meeting. No one ever. This really gets to me – all this rejection. There’s a guy there that I’ve talked with several times name of Gordon. It seems like every time I try to talk to him I put my foot in my mouth. I was trying to feel him out about maybe him going to my ACA meeting but again, this didn’t go well and he sort of backed away from me. I think I’m just going to stop trying to approach him altogether. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to stop going to mixed meetings altogether too. Maybe just woman’s meetings and even that is sketchy.

It’s not like I need AA or AA people. I have absolutely no desire to drink and no one wants me as a sponsor. I’m not lonely. I don’t need people at all but it’s so weird how the whole world of people rejects me. But I do need people for another reason because I’m reaching out to you. It feels like my self-worth is all tied up in what others think about me and how much they value me. And no one values me – so in my mind it stands to reason that I have no value. And this is hard to take. In fact, no one has ever valued me except maybe J who has stood by me for over 30 years.

I was watching La Femme Niketa tonight and it left me feeling so void inside. The upper echelon treated their (formerly prisoners) agents as if their lives had no value at all. The agents could be killed and no one would bat an eye. I was going to watch another episode but had to turn it off. I just couldn’t watch it any more. Is my life not worth more than a nickel? I’m so messed up right now.

Maybe I’m here on this planet to see I have value even if no other human thinks so. Maybe that’s why all the rejection from birth on. So I could learn this lesson. But I’m sure that those in the heavenly realms want me. But none of my fellow humans do – except maybe you and J. And I feel that even both of you just put up with me.

So there it is.

Abortion – if you agree please re-blog this

21 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, parenting, What I'm Learning About Life

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Abortion, adoption, political policy, politics, pregancy, rape, Row -vs- Wade, Row Wade, supreme court, supreme court rulings, unwanted children, unwed mothers

All you who are fighting to ban abortion…

How many unwed mothers have you helped out?

How many unwanted babies have you adopted?

If it’s none, then QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING!!!

The Child Within Cries Out to Me

21 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships

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abuse, child abuse, child within, Children, Family, impossible demands, insanity, interrogation, Marriage, no other gods, relationships, verbal abuse

I’ve been married to my husband for 31 years but never realized something that we’ve struggled with since we’ve been married. Sometimes my husband acts just like my father did with me – insane.

As a small child I was under the gun of a man who was insane most of the time. He would engage me in a third degree interrogation for the express purpose of having me fail so he could lay the hammer down on me. This happened on a regular basis. Then, at that time, I was only a kid and so was trapped in this situation with him. I could not escape his insane brutality.  I could not escape. Tonight it just occurred to me that I can escape now. Today I’m a 64 year old woman and I can get away from that insanity. Up to now I’ve felt I had no choice but to stave off his verbal bullying the best I could because I thought I couldn’t get away. I think – I hope – this new information will be the springboard to a new way of acting around my husband when he becomes insane.

We had an insane conversation about fencing today. We are building a house and after the excavation there is a lot of piled up sand that needs fencing around it. I’ve just heard the word ‘fence’ and didn’t think anything about it. A fence is a fence right? It’s only logical to call a fence a fence. But apparently that’s not totally accurate as my insane husband let me know. It turns out that this kind of fence is really just a plastic tarp stapled onto posts stuck in the ground. Somehow, according to my husband, I was supposed to know this, wasn’t I? I was supposed to ask if the ‘fence’ was a tarp. Is this insane? I think so. I tried to reason with him but he was all over me in anger about it. This is what I’m realizing tonight. That this is an impossible demand. And what do I do? I stay with it to the bitter end. Bitter end. Because I am in a PTSD haze yesterday land where I can not escape.

So, hopefully, I’ll remember this and say to him

You’re acting insane right now.
You’re making an impossible demand of me.
Stop the car. I want to get out.

And then I get out. Escape – at last.

Abortion – if you agree please re-blog this

28 Thursday Jun 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, parenting, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Abortion, adoption, political policy, politics, pregancy, rape, Row -vs- Wade, Row Wade, supreme court, supreme court rulings, unwanted children, unwed mothers

All you who are fighting to ban abortion…

How many unwed mothers have you helped out?

How many unwanted babies have you adopted?

If it’s none, then QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING!!!

Monday: 5 – 14 – 2018

15 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

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being used, craziness, friendship, letters, manipulation, money, resentment, San Diego, saying No, step 4, street people, trips

Friendship-1

Last Saturday, my friend gave me the business. She said she wanted us to go to San Diego on a trip. I said “Save your money”. But after hearing this she got very indignant with me. She was she was expecting me to pay for the whole trip myself because she is on disability and has hardly any money. I could hardly believe what she was saying to me but the thing is, I can’t come out and say; “No”. I’ve never been able to say that in my life (because of living with my father who was a malignant narcissist). But this was too much. I got very tongue tied and tried to wangle my way out of it by saying that, though she wasn’t trying to use me, I had a hard time even smelling the idea of being used. What a crock! I thought; “If I go for this, I’m going to get a resentment as big as a house”. I was determined not to do it. She tried to manipulate me through humiliation saying that street people would give the shirts off their backs to help someone else out. She said that she expected me to be ‘better’ after 38 years sober. I squeaked out a response saying; “Your expectations of me are too high”.

I was so extremely freaked out by the whole business that I completely lost my bearings. I lost my Costco card at the gas station; something I’ve never done before with any of my credit cards. My driving was scary and when I went to drop her off, I ran over the curb. She chocked it up to the bipolar disorder (I’m actually schizo-effective) and I didn’t disagree with her. I just couldn’t let the same conversation come up again.

So, when I got home, I wrote her this letter. Here it is:

Continue reading →

Monday – 4-30-2018

30 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

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complex post-traumatic stress disorder, EMDR, fighting, husband & wife, Intimate relationship, marital conflict, Marriage, marriage problems, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships, therapy, verbal abuse

  • How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. - Wayne Dyer

Click here to read the beginning post for this series

I’m sure many people think that verbal abuse isn’t that bad. Those are the people who’ve never been a victim of it. If they’d experienced it, I’m sure they’d be singing a different tune. Being verbally abused feels like getting punched in the face.

Continue reading →

Thursday: 4 – 26 – 2018 – part 2

26 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

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boundaries, EMDR, Marriage, marriage problems, PTSD, relationships, therapy

To read about the new way in our relationship , click here

So, in response to my request for shoulder moments. I asked Jerry what he would like from me. Here is what he wrote. We will be reading both our pages every day.

  1. Collaboration between both of us.
  2. Patience from her for Jerry’s physical health issues.
  3. Patience from him for Robin’s mental health issues.
  4. Explain each other’s prospective completely before rebuttal starts.
  5. Allow time for each one of us to respond to the issue at hand.
  6. No personal attacks from each other.
  7. Work towards compromise with each other in decision-making.
  8. Ask for forgiveness rather than being judgmental with each other.
    Keep it to the issue at hand and take responsibility for a mistake.
    (this item is still under discussion)
  9. Honor agreements with each other and re-visit agreements when one
    of us is unable to comply as agreed.
  10. We need to define actual needs from wants that pop up from time to time.
  11. If anyone is making noise between 11 pm and 7 am it is that person’s
    responsibility to go to a separate room and close the door.
  12. Take responsibility for our own actions.
  13. Having a basis of mutual respect in the marriage.

This is pretty complicated for me so I asked him to take the reins and let me know when I cross over a line.

Click here for the next post in this series

Thursday: 4 – 26 – 2018

26 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abuse, EMDR, EMDR therapy, freedom, LCSW, Licenced Social Worker, Marriage, relationships, spouse abuse, therapy, verbal abuse

To read the beginning of this new chapter in my life, click here

I had my EMDR session yesterday with my therapist Cynthia Pickett LCSW.

She said that the EMDR is bringing out my ‘natural’ self which lingered under all the PTSD haze. Before the EMDR, with all the PTSD history I have had, I’ve been mulled in the idea that I deserved no more than abusive behavior. Because of being abused all my life (hated by my father, unbelievably, from the moment of my birth) I have felt like a lower form of human and this self-evaluation led me to think that someone abusing me was ok. With the EMDR, I’m starting to see that being verbally abused is unacceptable. I’m a decent human being and don’t deserve this kind of an abusive relationship.

It feels natural and I seem to be ‘getting it’ down to my core self. I’m a good person and I deserve better than that. I’m even willing to leave my circumstances to be free of it. Something I was totally unwilling to do before this.

It’s fascinating what the EMDR is doing to me. It’s unlike any therapy I ever experienced. With all the talk therapy, nothing much changed in my life. But this EMDR is really shaking things up. FINALLY! I’m moving forward.

To continue in this series, click here

An e-mail from my sister

25 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

couples, dissociatve disorder, EMDR, Family, fighting, husband & wife, Marriage, marriage problems, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationships

To read about the beginning of this new chapter in my life, click here

On 4/24/2018 my sister Jacqueline wrote:

Continue reading →

Just a thought

22 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

an idea, babies, child, Children, conception, Family, getting the word out, Marriage, procreation, taking care of a child, taking care of children, thinking, working

I want to get this idea out there in the world.

Maybe it will spread around and people will think about it.

Why do people have babies when they prefer to work
rather than take care of them?

Children need a lot of love and care in order to grow up
to be healthy adults.

As a result, children are being forced to raise themselves.

I think there’s a lot of crime and suicide from children
who don’t have any parents to help them.

It’s so sad to see this happening to our dear children.

Tuesday – 4-17-18

17 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Anger, Big Bang Theory, communication, communication technique, frustration, home, inspiration, Marriage, relationships, scatterbrain, scatterbrained, TV

Please read this post about our ‘New Way’ relationship

Last night was verification that what I’m doing in our relationship is working.

I was watching American Idol on the bedroom TV and really liked what I was hearing so I wanted to record the show series. But I had to go to the living room since that was the only TV box that would accept a series recording. Then, while I was doing that, the recording part said that there was very little room left to record on. So I decided to delete a lot of shows to make room. Then I came upon “The Big Bang Theory” in which there was nine episodes I hadn’t watched yet. So I decided to watch them before deleting.

Meanwhile…

The TV in the bedroom was still on. I had completely forgotten this….

SCATTERBRAINED!

Jerry was in bed and around midnight came out to the living room to complain that the bedroom TV was still on loud enough to wake him up. He was ‘nice’ but looked a little frustrated with me. I don’t blame him. I hate my scatterbrain. It gets me in more how water….

But the next morning I went to him to find out how he felt about what happened. He said he understood that I was just being scatterbrained!!! And that he didn’t take it personally nor get mad about it.

WONDER OF WONDERS!

SOMETHING DIFFERENT IS DEFINITELY IN THE WORKS!!!

To continue in this series, please click here

Monday – 4-16-18

16 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I'm learning about relationships, What I'm learning in Al Anon

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

communication, fighting, fights, intimacy, Intimate relationship, Marriage, opportunity, relationship, relationships, taking charge

See this post about our ‘New Way Relationship’

Jerry and I had another opportunity to practice our ‘new way’ relationship. He was fixing something on my computer when I bent down in front of him to put a reminder post-it on my post-it board. At first he got a little flustered but he refrained from screaming. Instead, he told me that he was just about to hit a function key but I got in the way and he missed his opportunity. I said I was sorry profusely . Then I said that this was an example of my being scatterbrained. He said; “Oh, is that what it looks like”.. Then I said; “This is a shoulder moment”. So he gently took hold of my shoulders and said would I please get out of the way so he could do his work. Immediately, this I did. He doesn’t yet understand how to do this so I have to be the one who takes charge. After all, it was me who started the whole thing so I see it as only fair that I take the lead until he ‘gets it’. I just have to keep encouraging him to do what I said I needed.

I think that this new way of communicating is going to save our marriage.

Please read the next post for continuity

Sunday – 4-15-18 – part 2

15 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, What I'm learning about relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

asking for what I need, asking for what I want, asking for what you need, asking for what you want, communication, communication technique, fighting, follow through on a request, Marriage, relationship, stating what you want

Read this post about our ‘New Way Relationship’

Well Jerry and I had our first ‘break in’ with the new communication technique. He needed a little push to try the new way and I gave him what he needed.

We were talking about the problems with my computer (it was being restored from getting into very bad shape). At first he got frustrated with me but still acted in the old way trying hard not to raise his voice this time. But this isn’t the thing I had requested of him. So I had to instigate the new way by saying; “Honey, you aren’t doing what I asked you to do. Can you please do it the new way?” He immediately got into it – doing the new way I’d asked him to! It went as smooth as butter!!! It’s a new and strange way (to us) to interact so he just needed a little push. I also needed a little courage to take the lead and follow through with what I’d asked. It’s new and strange and so was uncomfortable to instigate at first.

I had to tell him what I needed!!!

It was hard to do but I did it – twice! Once when I wrote it down for him and again when the situation called for it to actually be carried out.

Asking for what I need is soooo hard for me! I don’t think I’ve ever done this as well as I have up to this point. Part of the problem we’ve been having is that I’ve never stated my needs clearly enough to the point where I can get them met. I stated them with both feet firmly planted on the ground. I stood up for myself – TWICE!!!

As far as communication goes, this time it’s going to be my way or the highway.

Continue to the next post for continuity

Sunday – 4-15-18

15 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning in Al Anon

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Anger, bullying, compromise, females, fights, give back button, intervention, males, Marriage, scatterbrained

(I wrote this to Jerry after a talk we had today)

                                                                                                                    .

This is what I need from you.

I WILL REMIND YOU TO READ THIS PAPER EVERY DAY

Continue reading →

Wednesday 4-11-18

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Bessel Van Der Kolk, divorce, EMDR, marriage problems, massage, masseuse, separation, The Body Keeps the Score, therapy

I had my EMDR therapy today. I’ve been reading this book my therapist gave me called; “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD (isbn # 9780670785933). It’s an excellent book on different types of therapy for PTSD victims and childhood abuse PTSD victims. I liked it a lot because he doesn’t just circle around the problem. Half the book is devoted to different kinds of therapy to help PTSD sufferers. One of them is EMDR. There’s a whole chapter devoted to it.

Anyway, I was in the middle of the EMDR session when my problem with Jerry’s screaming came up. My therapist said I didn’t have to live with that sort of thing. Well I’ve been living with it for 30 years now but when I got out of the session something broke inside. Suddenly I have the gumption to move out! I’ve been staying for nothing but financial reasons but the light dawned on this. Jerry and I could make it separately financially. With my inheritance, we paid off two houses and rent on out. I could move back to the rental and make Jerry pay me $600 out of his monthly retirement check. Then we’d both be about even money wise. I had a feeling of freedom.

At the same time this was going on in my head another thought popped in. I think this was from God. I need to get a massage therapy credential. I know I would be a good masseuse. My hands are always warm and dry no matter what the temperature is. And I’ve always gotten compliments from people I have given massages to. So that’s what I’m going to do. I looked up massage schools in the area and a very nice one came up. “Milan Institute” right here is town.

I have decided that after my next EMDR session I will sit Jerry down and tell him that he has 30 days to straighten up his act or I’m out of there by the next 30 since we have to give our renters 30 days notice. That’s a total of 60 days.

I want out of here so badly I can taste it. I want to have my own place that I can decorate just how I want. And I want to be a ladies masseuse. I am thinking I will make my home my base of operations and I will only do women. The idea of being in a house all alone with a man gives me the chills. I was raped when I was 22 and have been skittish about men ever since.

Monday 4-9-18

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Alanon, computer, couples, fighting, Marriage, marriage problems

I haven’t written anything for a couple of days. Not because there wasn’t anything to write about. My computer broke down and I’m writing on my husband’s. Any way, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since I last wrote.

Jerry had a scream-fest on me – again. He was trying to fix my computer but only seemed to make it worse. I was on the phone with my sister who fixes her own computer herself. She made a suggestion about what a possible solution was but when I took it to Jerry he went berserk. He yelled at me for hours. I tried to yell back a little bit but that got me no where. AlAnon says that I’m just supposed to shine him on when he turns on me like that but I’ve only been able to not get sucked in a couple of times. Usually I try to reason with him, then yell back. We went to bed angry that night.

Friday – 4-6-18

06 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12 Step Program, child abuse, Family, frustration, God, gratitude, journal, narcissist, rage, scape goat, scrificial lamb, sisters, sociopath

(an e-mail to my sister Jackie)

I work at the discipline of gratitude to keep from falling back into the pit of suicide obsession. Something I can’t afford since God told me that suicide was not an option for me. I had to calm the obsession since being frustrated by not satisfying this obsession made my life utterly, utterly miserable. And, by the way, this discipline was instilled in me by a loving God who didn’t want me to live my life here in misery. So he showed me how to deal with the obsession through gratitude. Not that I still don’t have the obsession though. Deep down it’s just covered over with the discipline.

Continue reading →

Thursday – 4-5-18

06 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abuse, Family, gratitude, in-laws, journal, lost child, scape goat, Suicide

A nothing day.

My sponsor sent me an e-mail telling me that I broke an AlAnon member’s anonymity because I talked to her about her new adventure as a member of AA (she’s sober 60 days). The girl went to my sponsor and said “I guess the cat’s out of the bag”. I feel TERRIBLE about doing this. I tried to call the girl but she didn’t answer the phone. I thought about e-mailing her but then I wondered if anyone else read her e-mails. So I e-mailed my sponsor and told her how terrible I felt about what I did.

Continue reading →

Wednesday – 4-4-18

04 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, From My Journal, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning in therapy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12 Step Program, aging, being unlovable, EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, Family, journal, letting go of old ideas, PTSD, therapy

EMDR with Cynthia Pickett LSW. (a type of therapy called: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing )

I’m doing EMDR therapy for my terrible problem with relationships.

I began this session by recalling the memory of growing up never having had a single conversation with either of my parents. This brought tears. Then I cried from being reminded that I was just a child and had to raise myself and that, since I was only a child with a child’s mind, I did a totally rotten job of it. Then I talked about the idea that you form your ideas before you’re seven and that it’s nearly impossible to get control over these ideas in order to change them. Then she piped in that one actually could change these ideas and that, if I had control, I was not a victim. At first I highly resisted this but then I saw the value of not being a victim because if I was a victim I could never change my circumstance and I vigorously wanted to change it. Because I was resisting I asked her if she had overcome anything herself. Then she talked about her journey overcoming the childish idea that she was unlovable because her mother tried to kill her when she was only two years old. I asked her how hard it was to change this. She said; “Very hard.” I also asked her how long it took and she said; “A long time. But with the EMDR it won’t take you as long as it took me.” So I decided not to resist her idea anymore because it was better than what I was telling myself. The 12 Step Program says ‘we let go of ALL our old ideas’ and I realized that the idea that I couldn’t change my mind was a ‘old idea’, so I decided to let go of it and go with her idea instead. I think that resistance to another person’s new (and better) idea is what takes so long to get well and I was not going to take a long time doing this if I could possibly help it. After all, I am – 63 years – old and I’m not getting any younger.

During this week my assignment was to tell myself; “Your parents were wrong. You ARE lovable and you deserve love and kindness”. Taking direction is really hard for me but I’m going to follow her directions this week.

Monday – 4-2-18

04 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, From My Journal, Marriage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm learning in Al Anon

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12-step, Al Anon, being human, exercise, fights, journal, journaling, Marriage, meditation, progress not perfection, PTSD, taking directions, treadmill

I made a little progress with Jerry today. Even the smallest thing triggers both of our PTSD issues. Then we have to fight each other. Well tonight I managed to do something different. I was on the treadmill late. 8 pm – 10 pm. Apparently this didn’t sit well with him and he came into the exercise room and gave me the evil eye. Then he SLAMMED the door shut. I just kept walking and didn’t ‘rise’. When I was done, I came to him in bed and very gently asked; “Why did you slam the door?” He said that I was doing my walking too late and that the TV, which is next to our bedroom, was keeping him awake. So I told him I’d try not to get on the treadmill so late. He said sarcastically; “Try!!??” I didn’t say anything back. The truth of the matter is, I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. I’m human. All I can do is try.

                                                                                                                       

For 38 years in 12 Step Program I have been unable to keep up a meditation routine. Today I finally took my sponsor’s direction about meditating. I sat on my loveseat for 5 minutes and not a second longer. I have to find out why I can’t do it after all these years of trying. Now I’m finally ready to take direction!!

I Escaped the Suicide Machine

06 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alcoholism, Bible, birds, christianity, death, Faith, God, grief, inspiration, Mental health, religion, Suicide

I feed wild finches and over the last month or so I’ve been watching them die little by little.

Continue reading →

What It Was Like for Me As An Alcoholic

13 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Anything Else, Child Abuse Trauma, My Life Story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, adult children of alcoholics, alcohol, alcoholism, child abuse, destressing, emotional growth, Mental health, physiological conditions, stress, trauma

It was a very hard row to hoe for me to get sober. Very, very hard. I barely made it. It took everything I had to get and stay sober. Many times I almost lost this precious sobriety I hold so dear. Having alcoholism is horrible. It’s a horrible condition. It stunted my emotional and mental growth because of the way I metabolized it, I can only say this from the inside, I do not know what it’s like to be a non-alcoholic, but this is what I believe as an alcoholic.

Continue reading →

We had a Big Fight

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, What I'm Learning About Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

C-PTSD, child abuse, complex ptsd, fawning, fighting, freezing, friendship, Love, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, relationship, relationships

So my friend and I had a big fight and my head is reeling from it. I don’t do ‘friends’ with people and, to tell you the truth, in 60 years this is the first real friend who I’m starting to try to be real with in my life. That’s how much abuse I’ve had to deal with. I’ve been real with my husband but then we’re like two ships passing in the night with each other. There’s very little of anything between us and, to tell the truth, it’s been that way since we got married. Almost right away, he changed after we got married, but that’s another tale to tell for another time.

Continue reading →

Finding It Hard to Love

24 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book, C-PTSD, C-PTSD from surviving to thriving, child abuse, Family, friendship, God, Love, peter walker, PTSD, relationship

I’m reading a very good book by Peter Walker called “C-PTSD From Surviving to Thriving“. (C-PTSD – Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from childhood abuse). A couple of friends from Al-Anon told me about it and I finally picked it up and am reading it. Fascinating and horrifying at the same time. To put it mildly, it’s hot. He uses words like ‘miserable’, ‘tormenting’, ‘having little use for (a child)’, ‘routinely ridiculed’, ‘minimal nurturing’, ‘dangerous’, ‘bitter’, ‘sarcastic’, ‘parental betrayal’, etc. This man knows about C-PTSD from personal experience and 30 years of working with victims of this condition. The book also contains a lot of ‘solution’, not just description of the ‘problem’ like so many self-help books do.

Continue reading →

What is it with you People??!!!

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Addiction, Children, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, Family, parenthood, PTSD, relationship, trauma

Now-a-days it seems like almost everyone is
having children with the plan to
“Play Parent” for a couple of weeks;
then go right back to work again, shipping their
new born infants off to some cold, uncaring
daycare organization.

What is it with you people?!!

No wonder our youngsters are getting
more and more demented every year.

Children need loving PARENTS to grow up
straight and true!

So what’s the matter with you??!!!

You say; “I can’t afford not to work.”

Well, if you can’t afford not to work,
then what the hell are you having children for
in the first place if you can’t afford them??!!!

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
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  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

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Blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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