So I meditated today for 30 minutes just so I could put a sticker on my calendar. I’ve had the hardest time knuckling down and mediating. No matter what I do, I just won’t do it for very long. Maybe a few days but then I always find some reason to not do it. It’s about my little girl inside. She’s the one who doesn’t want to meditate – because she thinks it’s boring.
But out of all of us in here, she seems to run the show. But she LOVES silly stickers. I think that appealing to her in this way – with stickers – she will go for the gusto. Actually, I could hardly wait to put on my solfeggio tone and meditate just so I could put a sticker on my calendar this morning. She’s really jazzed about the sticker thing and I’m very glad to have meditated.
I’m meditating because my therapist thinks it’s a good idea and it’s Step 11 of the 12 Steps. I need to be doing it. J and I have a difficult time with emotional regulation with each other. We fight at least a couple of times a week. Although they’re not actually physical, the fights are very loud with a lot of stomping and physical jestering. I so want to get a hold of myself in this area. My therapist says I ‘flip my lid’ to my amygdala which is the fight or flight organ in my brain. When I get scared, it immediately takes over and does it’s thing – fight. I need my logical brain to function at those times but the amygdala takes over my logical corpus colosum. The meditation is supposed to move my brain to a lower frequency so that I can get a hold of it at those times.