Something to Think About

Tags

complex ptsd, Love, PTSD, trauma

Until a person recovers from the shock of being physically traumatized, they have absolutely no capacity to either give or receive love. The trauma forces all their faculties to focus inward to deal with the trauma and so they can not be reached. I believe this same understanding can be applied to the shock of psychological trauma as well. All the faculties are focused inward trying to deal with the trauma. This is what I know from my own experience anyway.
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About This “Self-Soothing” Thing

Tags

child abuse, infant trauma, self-soothing, trauma shock

More on the ‘no addictions’ journey…

Well I’ve tried the ‘self-soothing’ thing many times before, and for many years. People have told me of it’s importance more than a few times in my life. But it never really took. Not really. I wanted to do it. It sounded like a great idea. But I only was able to do it by rote – robotic like. Needless to say, it didn’t help anything.

God in Me

Tags

complex ptsd, God, inner healing, PTSD, spirit, wisdom

As I continue to stumble onward along this ‘no addiction’ journey…

Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.

Genesis 1:26

(It says: “All Mankind” – not just Christians)

When I was made, God placed in me a piece of Himself. A ‘fragment’ of Himself if you will. Then He went along His way doing what He does. Creating things and such.

Holding the Baby

Tags

childhood trauma, complex ptsd, dr spock, PTSD, trauma

This is a continuation of a previous post: HERE

I woke up very early this morning. Dread from the trauma memory weighed heavy on my heart. “What to do with all this new information? How am going to get out from under all this trauma as an infant? How am I going to deal with this? How?”

Song: Baker Street

Tags

1970's hits, 70's music, baker street, Gerry Rafferty, music, song

Intense Paranoia

Tags

child abuse, child neglect, dr spock, Paranoia, trauma

As I continue to trudge my ‘no-addictions’ journey, I came to this…

On Saturday I was roped into going to a party. My ‘friend’ roped me in by asking me if I could help her out with plates, utensils, etc. She was so insistent that I eventually caved. So I went.

I hate parties and here’s the reason why. They cement the knowledge I carry inside, that no body likes me. No body. One more time, I wound up sitting all by myself. Everyone was grouped up and I was sitting alone.

Song: The Ark

Tags

1970's hits, 1970's music, 1970's music hits, Gerry Rafferty, music, song, the ark

Song: Chiquitita

Tags

1980's hits, 1980's music, 80's hits, 80's music, abba, Chiquitita, music, song

Song: Fernando

Tags

1980's hits, 1980's music, 80's hits, 80's music, abba, fernando, music, song

Book: The ACoA Trauma Syndrome

Tags

ACoA, adult children of alcoholics, book, C-PTSD, PTSD, tian dayton, trauma, trauma syndrome

(a paragraph from this book by Tian Dayton, PhD)

Picture again the child facing her drunk parent. She is short, he is tall. She thinks with a child’s limited reasoning, he’s been to college. She has her truck or teddy dangling from her arms. He holds the keys to the house, the car, and credit cards. She could fight, but she knows that if she tries to stand up for herself, she will only come to her daddy’s waist. She could flee, but where would she go in her footy pajamas with no money? So she does what she can do. She shuts up. She stands there like a little soldier and takes it. She freezes, holds her pain, hurt and tension in the musculature of her little body and flees on the inside, she dissociates. Dissociation – or “fleeing on the inside” – can be hard to see. After all, your body is still there – you talk and interact, you seem to be there, but you are not in your own skin. You’re not present. You’re on autopilot. Life appears to be happening out there, somewhere, but you’re not quite present.

An E-Mail I Sent to My Therapist

Tags

attachment disorder, child abuse, complex ptsd, PTSD, rad, trauma

I sent this e-mail to my therapist and I thought you might be interested in it too.

Please see the post:  HERE– to further understand what I’m talking about.

*  *  *

Dear Elizabeth,

About the attachment disorder thing. I was thinking on the way home about what I know about it from the inside. This is what came up.

I Can’t Connect

Tags

AA, abstinence, abuse, Addiction, alcholism, anti-social, attachment disorder, Christian, christianity, connection, God, rad, surrender

I continue on in my quest as an addict into the world of no addictions.

It’s been officially a year now since I put the sugar down; six months since the cigarettes. I’m digging deep into my psyche. It started out with curiosity. I’ve been desperate to know… “Through practicing all these addictions, what the heck have I been running away from so hard?” Now it’s come to take on a life of it’s own. Here’s where I  now.

A “Spark of the Divine”

Tags

child abuse, divine, Ephesians 4, God, made in God's image, parenting, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, spirituality, trauma, violence

Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.

Genesis 1:26

There’s a drug that my psychiatrist prescribed for me a few weeks ago called Prazosin. It’s for PTSD. He said it was a pretty old drug – from the 70’s – and was used to treat high blood pressure. However, one of the other things it does is calm the adrenal glands so that they don’t pump out adrenalin so furiously the way they do in PTSD victims who are in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode. Anyway, since I’ve been on this drug I’ve begun to get clear-headed in a way that I’ve never been aware of before.

Here’s what I’m awakening to.

Song: Canon in D Major

Song: Nocturn 9 – #1 – B-Flat Minor

Tags

Chopin, classical music, Nocturn, Nocturn B-Flat Minor, Op 9 No 1

Song: Clair de Lune

Tags

clair de lune, classical music, debussy, music, song, YouTube

Song: May It Be

Tags

enya, may it be, music, song, YouTube

Song: Watermark

Tags

enya, music, music classics, song, watermark, YouTube

Song: Who I Am

Tags

danielle bradbery, music, song, The Voice, The Voice TV, TV, who I am

Song: Over You

Tags

Cassadee Pope, music, Over You, song, The Voice, The Voice TV, TV

Song: Morning Has Broken

Tags

1970's music, cat stevens, morning has broken, music, song

Song: Untitled Hymn – Come to Jesus

Tags

chris rice, Christian, come to jesus, music, song, untitled hymn

Song: Move On

Tags

1970's hits, 1970's music, 1980's hits, 1980's music, abba, move on, music, song

The actual song starts at about one minute into it.

“Love”

Tags

Family, God, heaven, inspiration, judgement, Love, non-judgmentalism, spirituality

Love is an archetype here on earth of what is happening in the heaven-lies.

Many people try to define the term Love, yet no matter how they try to define it, it somehow seems to be indefinable. I believe this is because Love is not a thing to be grasped. This is not a ‘something’ but in reality only occurs in the absence of something else.

Song: I Have a Dream

Tags

1970's hits, 1970's music, 1970's music hits, abba, I have a dream, music, song

Song: I Let the Music Speak

Tags

1980's hits, 1980's music, 1980's pop hits, abba, I let the music speak, music, song

Song: 7 O’Clock News / Silent Night

Tags

1970's music, 7 O'Clock News Silent Night, 70's music, music, simon and garfunkel, song

Song: Every Breath You Take

Tags

1970's music, 1980's music, 70's music, 80's music, every breath you take, music, police, song, sting