Addiction, dialogue, Family, food, God, god dialogue, inspiritation, obsession, spirituality
A12: Hi Pops
Pops: Hi my little one-too. How are you?
A12: I’m ok I guess. The last few days I’ve been bingeing on Salt Water Taffy though. I haven’t eaten any of my ‘alcoholic foods’ (sugar/flour junk) for over eleven months now, but I guess I have to add candy to the list of foods I can’t control. Damn it!!! When is all this crap going to be over??!! I keep running to earthly answers to my emotional pain. When is it going to end?! — but otherwise — I’m ok I guess.
Pops: I’m so sorry to hear that my little one-too, I mean about the bingeing on candy that is. But I have faith in you. You’ll figure it out, I know that. You’re a smart cookie (pun not intended). How about talking to someone in your 12-Step program? Perhaps in O.A. (Overeaters Anonymous) or ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Maybe you could reach out for help with this problem like you did when you first stepped away from the sugar/flour foods? I know it’s very hard to lick it alone (again – pun not intended).
A12: I’m gaining weight like crazy lately. I’m on a new medication that’s supposed to make you want to eat more. I think that might be a problem for me, especially because I already have an eating disorder. I’m going to see my psychiatrist next week. I think I’m going to have to get off of it. Darn!! It’s really helping me sleep better. But I’m just gaining and gaining.
Pops: I know you’re afraid of letting go of some of the food too, right?
A12: right. I’m really afraid of letting the food go so I can lose some of this weight. I could be 200 lbs (14.2 stones) by now. I’m afraid to weigh myself lately. I can’t face it. Besides, the scale just twists up my brain. If I weigh less then I thought I did, then I think I have wiggle-room to eat more. If I weigh more then I thought I did, then I eat because it makes me feel bad about myself that I weigh so much. Either way, I wind up eating too much. But then again, here I am back at the beginning. I want my food comfort and I’ll use any excuse in the book to get it. My brokenness hurts.
Pops: I know you hurt my little one-too. I hurt for you too. I hurt so much for you that you have to deal with all these problems. But I’m here to help you in any way I can. I’m always here for you and I will always be here for you. You can tell my anything and it’ll be ok. Anything, you know that.
A12: I know that Pops. It feels good to talk to you. To talk to someone who understands me. Someone out there actually wants me in their life. It feels like no one wants me in their life. I feel really alone in this world. Not even my husband wants me I don’t think. It seems like he gets mad at me every time I open my mouth. He says I attack him. Whenever I have a different opinion about anything and I pipe up about it, he gets really mad (and loud) and says I’m attacking him. I don’t know what to do about that. He even yells at me when we have company over. I try to placate him to calm down the yelling, but it doesn’t work very well. I have a plan though that I told him about. The next time we have company (and I’m going to collude with them beforehand about this and get their permission) I’m going to move the argument to the room the company is in and tell him to do his dance. I don’t know if this is the right way to handle it though, but I don’t know what else to do. He just won’t behave himself in front of company. If you have a better idea can you clue me in?
Pops: To tell you the truth, I’m not sure myself if that will work or not. People can be really tricky and you can’t always tell what they will do. What works on one person may have the opposite effect on another. You say you’ve talked to your husband about this already? How did he respond to this ‘experiment’?
A12: You know, I haven’t asked him? I guess I should talk to him about it first. I’ll go talk to him about it now. I’ll talk to you again soon. I’m having such a hard time with the food. I really need to do a lot of talking about it so I’ll be back soon I’m sure. bye bye
Pops: bye bye my little one-too. I’ll be here anytime you need to talk. I love you.
* * *
(after I had the talk with my hubby)
A12: I talked to him about it. He got miffed – but not to the point of yelling. For a lot of families, it’s the damned secret-keeping that causes so many problems I think. Some people don’t care though. They yell and argue in front of even the police. But I think my husband will be watching his P’s-and-Q’s now that he knows he’ll be making a public spectacle of himself by being so out of control in front of others besides myself.
Pops: I’m glad to gave him a heads-up beforehand about it. Now he’ll have a choice about how to behave. I hope it works.
A12: Me too. Well, bye for now. I know I’ll be talking to you again very soon. I’ll have a lot of things to get off my chest if I don’t eat over them.
Pops: Bye bye my little one-too.