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Climbing Out Of The Well

~ Life of a Recovering Alcoholic, Food Addict, Schizoaffective, Child Abuse Survivor, Christian

Climbing Out Of The Well

Monthly Archives: June 2014

My Take on A.A.’s Twelve Steps

26 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else

≈ Leave a comment

For most of my sober time I have not really been able to identify with the Steps as AA has laid them out. As a Bipolar person with ton’s of PTSD, here is how using the Steps makes sense to me today. I don’t apply then to drinking anymore as 34 years of recovery from alcohol has pretty taken this off the table. Now I have the ‘left-overs’ from the drinking to deal with… my ugly, messed up feelings that make life so hard for me.

*  *  *

Continue reading →

On Being “Outdoors”

26 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else

≈ 1 Comment

I just realized something about myself. I love, love, love being outdoors. Just being out of the house.

We recently had a huge deck put in on the back of the house. It’s the full length of the house and 12 feet wide and it has a lattice cover on it with a railing all around. It’s as big as two big rooms. I put a six-chair black wrought iron table out on it; a double rocker and a nine-foot hammock. I’m out there everyday for hours at a time… just swinging in my hammock with my two little doggies.

I’m just loving it!!

Now I finally know why. It’s because nothing bad happened to me when I was outside. All the abuse and horror happened…

inside the house!!!

 Is there anybody else out there in blog-world
who has this same sensation?

Love: It’s a Physical Thing

25 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Spiritual Experiences, What I know about God

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Christ, complex ptsd, food, God, Jesus, Love, PTSD, sponsorship, trauma

Up to the age of 27, I had never encountered what people call… Love. My parents didn’t know about it, nor could they recognize it either. In fact, they came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as Love. There was no Love in my childhood and when I became an adult, I was savage enough that, even if I did happen to come across it, I wouldn’t have recognized it if it had come and kissed me on the cheek. I ran away from any kind of closeness others might have wanted with me. By the time I was adult age, the only feeling I had for others was… fear… even terror.

Continue reading →

Song: Sundown

23 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

art, gordon lightfoot, music, song, sundown

by Gordon Lightfoot –

 

Song: Mony Mony

23 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

art, billy idol, mony mony, music, shondells, song, tommy james

originally by Tommy James and the Shondells – 1968
sung here by Billy Idol

Song: Let Her Go

22 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

art, Let Her Go, music, Passenger, song

by Passenger

Profound help for people pleasers…

19 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else

≈ Leave a comment

The quote in the third paragraph here is the most profound view I have ever read when it comes to dealing with rude people.

Song: I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

18 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

500 miles, aidan quinn, art, benny and joon, I'm gonna be 500 miles, johnny depp, mary stuart masterson, movie, music, proclaimers, song

By the Proclaimers

Soundtrack for the movie “Benny and Joon”
with Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson,
Aidan Quinn, Julianne Moore

A Word Portrait of My Insane Father

15 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Addiction, child abuse, dad, Family, Father, father's day, home, mental illness, neglect, personality disorder, psychopath, sociopath, trauma, violence

Happy Father’s Day.

I went to church as usual this morning thinking we were going to be taught more about the book of Romans. Well it turned out that they decided to devote the whole service to fathers and what a good father was supposed to be like. I cried a lot feeling sorry for myself. I couldn’t stand sitting there listening to all the goody-two-shoes of it all. It was all very hard to stomach so I got up and left early. I didn’t care what anybody thought about my leaving. I know Christians aren’t supposed to swear, but if any of them didn’t like it, well… screw them.

*  *  *
Continue reading →

More Problems… Damn It!!!

14 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Child Abuse Trauma, Day to day life, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, compulsive overeating, cutting, homicide, mental illness, obsession, PTSD, Suicide, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

Another problem has started to rear it’s ugly head in this
no-addictions / no-obsessions trial.

!@!@!@ CRAP  @!@!@!

That’s all I can say…. Crap… Crap… Crap… and Damn It!!

I want this to be over.

I’m tired of being on the tracks… being hit by so many trains.

I want to get well!  And NOW!!!

I don’t want to be doing this anymore!

Continue reading →

Opposites: Heaven & Earth

12 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in What I know about God

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christian, christianity, earth, God, heaven, inspiration, Paradigm shift, rules, spirituality

Have you ever wondered why God’s commands work directly opposite to the way the world works?

I have wondered and wondered about all the =opposites= the Bible talks about, for a very long time.

With the help of some of my blogging buddies, these are some of the ones we came up with.

I don’t understand it, but when I do as God’s directs, something happens inside….

…something wonderful…..

I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. But when I do a thing God’s way, something inside…

…tingles with excitement….

*  *  * Continue reading →

Looking at an AA Principle : from the View of a Child-Abuse Survivor

12 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

AA, abstinence, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, obsession, PTSD, resentment, self-hatred, trauma, violence

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

*  *  *

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING:

As most of you who read this blog know by now, I am in the process of releasing all my addictions and obsessions. If anyone here wants to take a stab at doing this, I believe that a firm hold on sobriety is necessary first before making this attempt. I don’t think it’s for those who are still unsteady on their feet from recently having let go of their primary addiction. For me, it’s been 34 years of only alcohol abstinence; ‘Easy Does It’… ‘First Things First’… ‘Think it Through’… ‘Live and Let Live’… ‘One Day (or moment) at a Time’… and working the Steps. Please be cautious if trying go the ‘no addiction/obsession’ route while you’re still struggling to stay sober because it can possibly introduce enormous amounts of stress and pain into your life. It took me a very long time to even take a stab at it. I’ve been praying for the strength to take this on for the last 30 years.

Continue reading →

Song: Rolling in the Deep

09 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Adele, music, Rolling in th Deep, song

By Adele

It starts slow, but keep listening

Song: Romeo and Juliette

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, dire straights, music, romeo and juliette, song, YouTube

By Dire Straights

 

Song: Every Breath You Take

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, every breath you take, music, song, the police, YouTube

By Sting of the Police

Song: The Long Way Home

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, long way home, music, song, Super Tramp, YouTube

By Super Tramp

Song: Give a Little Bit

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, give a little bit, mustic, song, Super Tramp, you tube

By Super Tramp

Song: Logical Song

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, logical song, music, song, Super Tramp, YouTube

by Super Tramp

Song: Somebody that I Used to Know

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in Anything Else, Songs & Books

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Depression, goyte, music, somebody that I used to know, song, YouTube

by Goyte

No “Uncover; Discover; Discard” for me.

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by anonymousonetoo in About Addiction, Child Abuse Trauma, My "No Addictions" Experiment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aa slogans, abstinence, Addiction, alcoholism, C-PTSD, child abuse, christianity, God, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, sobriety, spirituality, trauma

(the first post in this series is here:  On Being a Social Outcast  )

I want to apologize for the quality of my writing lately. Since the writing of the above post, I haven’t been getting very good sleep and, even though I’ve seen my psychiatrist three times in the last two weeks, the medication regime adjustments for the Bipolar, have not yet helped very much.

I don’t think that the AA slogan: “Uncover; Discover; Discard” is something to try to push an alcoholic, who was abused as a child, to do. Furthermore, I don’t think it is a saying that Bill and Bob would have approved of either.

Continue reading →

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Here are some of my posts

  • Have You Had a Visitation?
  • Why We’re Here
  • Everyone is a ‘Person of Color’
  • How to keep up with daily meditation
  • Matthew 9:4-6
  • A Wasted Life
  • How to Stop Suicide Obsession
  • How to Make Life More Meaningful
  • Why I Haven’t Been Able to Meditate
  • Coffee Grounds
  • It Aches
  • Legacy of the Heart
  • Nothing
  • Haiku
  • Why I Have Anxiety Around Everyone I Meet
  • A Hard Lesson to Learn – Let This Be a Warning
  • More – Dealing With My Angry Husband
  • A Motto I Don’t Want to Live By Anymore
  • Grow Up and Be a Man
  • It’s All About ‘Competency’!! (or is it?)
  • On Whether or Not to Have Children
  • Money Money Money
  • On Being a Reject
  • I Don’t Feel Safe in AA
  • Meditation Motivation
  • Learning ‘Socialization’ Language
  • Nancy Napier
  • On being an ‘outsider’
  • Finding meditation impossible
  • Rejection

Categories

  • About Addiction
  • Anything Else
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  • Day to day life
  • Dialogues with God
  • From My Journal
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  • My "No Addictions" Experiment
  • My Life Story
  • My Testimony
  • parenting
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Songs & Books
  • Spiritual Experiences
  • What I know about God
  • What I'm Learning About Life
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  • What I'm learning in Al Anon
  • What I'm learning in therapy

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Blogs I Follow

  • My Blog / Website
  • Church Set Free
  • Jean's Writing
  • Sammy Holiday
  • I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
  • #AskMyrtle
  • A WordPress Site
  • follow your nose
  • A Buick in the Land of Lexus
  • King of States!
  • Random Storyteller
  • PRINCESS KICK-ASS
  • Under Reconstruction
  • trudgingdestiny
  • thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere
  • thegirlwriting
  • The Girl With Words
  • DIDdispatches Blog
  • the anxiously depressed
  • Christian INTP
  • Susan Irene Fox
  • THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL
  • Wild Truth
  • The Aspirational Agnostic
  • lulufille
  • In My Father's House
  • Coming2Him
  • Heather Kopp
  • Isaiah 41 v 10
  • Highly Sensitive Matters

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

My Blog / Website

Church Set Free

Love is the answer - now what's your question?

Jean's Writing

Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.

Sammy Holiday

First-world probelms. Third-world country.

I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog

#AskMyrtle

A WordPress Site

follow your nose

it always knows

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

King of States!

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.

Random Storyteller

Poems, stories, and reflections

PRINCESS KICK-ASS

Jean-Luc Picard.

Under Reconstruction

Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.

trudgingdestiny

It's about the journey not the destination

thelightattheendofthetunnelsomewhere

my healing journey

thegirlwriting

The Girl With Words

Typing what comes to my head...

DIDdispatches Blog

A personal perspective

the anxiously depressed

Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).

Christian INTP

Growing towards God as an Introvert

Susan Irene Fox

Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

Wild Truth

Healing from Childhood Trauma

The Aspirational Agnostic

Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.

lulufille

if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...

In My Father's House

"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3

Coming2Him

In Your light we see light...

Heather Kopp

Words fail, but sometimes I try

Isaiah 41 v 10

a life redeemed from the pit

Highly Sensitive Matters

Concerning the lives of sensitives, narcissists, artists, ADDers, survivors of narcissism and abuse.

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