(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )
(the previous post in this series is here: Putting It All Together – Part 5)
I think it was about the timing. God’s timing. I guess He thought I was finally ready to go to the next level. For me, this has been a 34 year journey, but I’ve been stumbling around in completely darkness looking for an answer. I don’t believe other’s will have to take this long though, if they can follow the trail I have blazed here.
The cigarettes were a breeze to give up. It was like I was becoming absolutely single-minded about ‘digging in the dirt’ of my life and the cigarettes were only getting in my way. But what was I after so vehemently that this easily overpowered my desire for even cigarettes? I was after… my BOOGIE-MAN!! That nebulous ‘thing’ I had been running from so vigorously, through addictions, obsessions, co-dependency, disassociation, anxiety, and distraction through negative ruminations. That thing I had been terrified of my whole life. I wanted to find out… what… this… horrible… thing…. was!! That thing that AA calls “The exact nature of what was wrong with me.” [AA’s Step 5] This is how I eventually discovered… the Introject! …. The fact that there was such a thing, that it served a certain purpose, and that it could be worked around so as to live a happy life in spite of it’s continued presence.
Well, my boogie-man turned out to be only… my Introjects. Only shadows on the wall. Not that scary at all. And, once I was given (by my Higher Power) the understanding of how to work with them, everything just melded together. They were easily taken care of. All my negative, destructive Introjects… my boogie-men… lined up, one after the other… to make peace with me… and I with them.
Because I have had such difficult Introjects to work with, getting rid of all my other addictions and obsessions have allowed me to clearly see the dance of these Introjects’ relationship with me. I decided to investigate as much as I could, about how to manage them. Here’s what I’ve discovered about how to overcome my exceptionally negative, and destructive, Introjects. It involves several key mind-sets and actions I stumbled upon by accident (?) (God’s intervention), to achieve this success. I don’t believe I could have skipped any of these mind-sets or actions and still be experiencing the benefits of miraculous healing that’s going on in me right now. And ‘miraculous’ is an understatement. I feel so different I hardly recognize myself now.
The next post in this series is here: Putting It All Together – Part 7 )