, , , ,

(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )

*  *  *

Here is a list of things I no longer practice:
Things I No Longer Practice

*  *  *

This ride of  ‘no addictions or obsessions’ has suddenly transformed itself. Up until now, I’ve been careening at break-neck speed, through the pitch blackness, on a hairy, frightening, roller coaster; being tossed around like a rag-doll, completely out of emotional control. But suddenly, an abrupt change has occurred. Suddenly I’m finding myself in a place of absolute quiet stillness. It feels like I’m riding on a smooth white platform that’s silently and swiftly skimming across the surface of a pale blue, sparkling, glassy sea.

It’s so quiet here… so calm and smooth. I feel like I’m hardly moving at all, yet I can see the surface of the water rushing underneath me, just below my feet. I’ve never tried acid, but could this be like a trip on LSD? Am I like Alice in “Through the Looking Glass”? I don’t know. Yesterday it was all encompassingly crazy freneticism. Today there’s nothing but absolute calm and stillness inside… with barely a whisper of movement.

I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience.

Then, over and over again in my head, I keep hearing this…

The peace of God can be found inside the spaces.

I have a sensation of separation from myself. Watching from outside, certain physical changes taking place within me. My body has slowed way, way down so that each movement is measured… deliberate. At the same time, my sensory organs are becoming heightened so that I have an intense awareness of each second as it passes by. It feels like I’m kind of outside time, watching it pass swiftly by, while my body is being held in a space of absolute stillness. All the while… the words… humming in my brain.

The peace of God can be found inside the spaces.

I don’t know where I am. I don’t know if this is temporary or permanent. I don’t know.

What I do know is that… no matter where it takes me next… I’m going to keep on holding tight to this ride.

*  *  *

The next post in this series is here:  Do Children Copy Their Parent’s Emotions?