Tags
agony, angst, C-PTSD, fear, pain, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, space mountain, terror, trauma
(the first post in this series is here: On Being A Social Outcast )
It’s been several days since my last post. I haven’t written because I wasn’t sure if my ride on Space Mountain might finally be coming to an end or not. Because, at some points there were lulls in the ride, I wasn’t sure if I was actually seeing some daylight or if it was just a lull. But, for the last few days things have been pretty steady. I’ve been feeling like I’m on some terra-firma. I’m kind of wobbly, but I haven’t had a sense that I’m still on that crazy, crazy ride. Inside, things have begun to calm down and they’ve stayed pretty calm and steady for the last few days.
Could this really be true?! Could the ride possibly be over?! I think it might be. I feel like I might have punched through the end of it, and am coming to again – but on the other side. The side that most of you all are on. The side of sanity(?)
All my life, for as far back as I can remember, I’ve been living on the insane side of Space Mountain. The side of endless agony, terrible anxiety, and and out-of-control fear… of everything. While all you people have been living on the other side. The side of peace, where there is no terrible angst or fear.
It hard to trust what my senses are telling me. They’re telling me I’ve made it to your side of the mountain! For the last few days I’ve been having a sensation of freedom! There’s no anxiety, no angst, no emotional agony, no fear, no emotional pain. This is a whole new experience for me. Is this what your side of the Mountain is like? Love and peace?
In my next post I’ll tell you what I discovered during this crazy, terrifying ride through Space Mountain. And how I finally made it from my side… to yours.
The next post in this series is here: They Call it Self-Soothing
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you – and looking forward to reading your next post 🙂
Thank you. I’m sorry I haven’t written back for a month. I’ve been involved with this journey so deeply that all I’m doing is writing and walking a lot. It started with this post:
https://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/on-being-a-social-outcast/
Anonymous1two; I’ll have to go back and refresh myself regarding your ride. Congratulations. I wish you great luck rejoining the world.
I’m not sure its as sane as you seem to think it is. And there’s more people on the dark side of the wall than you might think. It’s a theme of mine, we who are recovering have special gifts and assets for the recovering world.
Blessings,
Vic Tor
Hi Vic, It’s been over a month since you wrote this. I’m so sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I don’t know if you have the time to read, but this is the first post of this oddssey (no addictions/obsessions) I’ve been on. It started last August. Since then I feel like I’ve morphed into an almost entirely different person.
https://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/on-being-a-social-outcast/
The whole trip started with this post.
https://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/on-being-a-social-outcast/
Then all the rest of what I’ve posted to now, has followed this theme.
I’ll have to go over and read your blog. It sounds like we might be on a parallel trip.