(the first post in this series is here: On Being A Social Outcast )
There is a link at the bottom of this post
that will take you to the next post in this series.
Today something else is popping up in this journey to face life with no addictions. One more time I’m beginning to feel war starting to brew. There is tension inside again. So what’s going on now? Well, I asked myself this and the answer that come bubbling to the surface was from the voice of my little girl.
She’s starting to get mad. She’s beginning to find her own voice. And it appears to me like she’s getting mad as hell. She been dealing with this out-of-control, insane and raging, blaming, teenage, incredible hulk all her life. With absolutely no one to help her, she’s been beaten up, bruised and bloodied, both inside and out, by it.
Now she’s being protected and is starting to come around a little bit toward having the appearance of a human being. And human beings talk. When someone steps on the foot of a human being, they say; “OUCH!!” Up to this point, by both her father and the introject of him, she’s been treated like a dish-rag and has never even been allowed to say; “OUCH” because of it. Now she has the room to do that so that she’s beginning to believe it’s actually true. The introject hulk is now gone and someone is protecting her from any current outside abuse as well. She’s finally being taken care of. And now she has something to say.
Right now, what she’s saying is; “I hate you!!” to the introject. I’m giving her a lot of space to feel her feelings and I’m not getting in the way of what she’s been wanting to say her whole life.
The next post in this series starts here: I Don’t Trust AA’ers