(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast)
(this particular post is out of sequence. I included it because it was written at the very beginning of the experiment. However, I was still smoking at this time.)
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I’ve been abstaining from junk food and compulsive overeating for 40 days tomorrow and I’m beginning to feel like I’m slogging up-hill with it. Today was tough and the absence of weight-loss is making it doubly tough.
I go to God (Pops is my name for Him) with almost all my problems and dilemmas and we have ‘talks’ until I get my head straightened back out again. This is one of those talks.
You may be thinking… “How does she ‘hear’ from God like this?” And the only answer I can give you is… I just can. Maybe it’s because I’m super sensitive from being Bipolar. Maybe I’m just desperate to hear from Him. I get desperate a lot. I don’t know.
……..Anyway……………Here’s the dialogue…………for what it’s worth to anyone.
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Robin: Heah Pops.
God: Hi Robin. I hear you’re having a hard time with the junk food today.
Robin: (whining) Yeah. I’m not losing any weight! I want to start losing this weight! I’m being so good with the food, but I’m hardly losing anything! I want something to report to Jackie (my twin sister) about weight loss, but I don’t have anything to report. I want to be a good witness to her about this. I’ll have 40 days tomorrow but I’ve only lost about 5 lbs!
God: You know what you have to do.
Robin: (more whining) Shit! But I don’ wanna!
God: You don’ hafta if you don’ wanna. You know that. I’m not going to push you.
Robin: Yeah…. (more whining) Crap! I know, I know… get on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes a day.
God: See? You know. And you know I’m not going to try to force you to do it. You know you have to make up your own mind about that.
Robin: Crap! I know. I know. Thanks Pops. (a little sarcastically)
God: Soooo… if you want to lose the weight you know what you have to do, but you have to do it for yourself you know. I know you veeerrryyy well Robin. If you are going to do it from the heart, the motivation’s got to come from within you.
Robin: Ok… ok… I hear ya’. Well I’ll think about it. I’ll probably do it, but I have to think about it for a while first, you know?
God: I know Robin. You’ve been pushed around enough in your life. You don’t need me to be pushing you around too.
Robin: True. But thanks Pops. Well I’m gonna go now. Talk to you later.
God: Bye Robs. I love you.
Robin: Bye Pops.
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The next post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast