There’s no one like Freddie Mercury. He’s one of a kind.
So I went to therapy yesterday. I love my current therapist, Elizabeth. I love, love, love her. She’s so busy that I have to make appointments up to two months in advance to keep my same time slot. Where I go, you can’t claim a regular slot for yourself, you have to take what you can get. I was lucky. Someone had cancelled so I got to meet with her yesterday.
Hello… and thank you for stopping by.
Mine has been a tough life. I am not sure why it had to be that way, but it has been tough since the beginning. There are many things I deal with; Complex PTSD and DID from some extreme child abuse, schizo-affective disorder, alcoholism, suicide obsession, ulcerative colitis, constant anxiety, and a junk food obsession which is what I am working on with God right now.
Life was pretty hard in my childhood home. Both my parents were extremely paranoid and taught their children to mistrust all human beings. I was told that people would “STAB YOU IN THE BACK” and “EAT YOU ALIVE”. No one came to visit. Neither of my parents had any friends and we were kept in forced isolation at home for this reason. Continue reading
Although the abuse I suffered was difficult there is a continuum to this. Many suffered less than me of course but, in reading others’ blogs, I’ve come to the realization… there are plenty of people out there who, as children, suffered a great deal more than I did.
THE OTHER ABUSES
There was the covert sexual abuse but nothing overt that I remember…. parents walking around naked… leering… embarrassing statements made… my dad needing to ‘talk’ with me while I was taking a bath. There was no lock on the bathroom door and, besides, I couldn’t say no to him. Also, since there were no doors on the bedrooms, there was the getting dressed and undressed under the watching eyes of my father and brother.
MOM AND DAD’s ‘BELIEF SYSTEM’
There was ritual abuse. From the time I could sit up in a chair and understand the English language… around 4 years old, I was indoctrinated into mom and dad’s system of religious beliefs.
My Separation from the Family
Abuse can create a hugely entangled relationship between a child and their parents (for me, it was mostly with my father). My parents convinced me that this world was a horrible place and that I should stay home at all costs. I believed them. Though it appeared on the outside that they couldn’t wait to be rid of me, I think my parents wanted me to stay with them forever. But at some point children have to leave their childhood homes; I went off to college but found myself so terrified of the world that I went crawling back to mommy and daddy again.
How I Turned Out After All This
Because my parents were pretty ‘out there’ as far as religion was concerned, I have a very spotty religious internal background. My parents took us to the Unitarian church until I and my sister were about eight years old and my brother was four. Then this most liberal of protestant churches kicked us out. As I have talked about earlier, my parents had a very warped view on the spiritual, or religious, aspects of living.
This is a ‘book review’. I know… many of you will just pass it by because of this being a review, but I promise that if you stick around, you will be amazed.
Love is the answer - now what's your question?
Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.
Funny story and essay about Bangkok, Thailand and around Asia.
be the magick
it always knows
fresh hell trumps stale heaven
I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.
Poems, stories, and reflections
Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice.
It's about the journey not the destination
my healing journey
Typing what comes to my head...
A personal perspective
Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).
Growing towards God as an Introvert
Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.
Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human
Healing from Childhood Trauma
Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.
if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...
"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3
In Your light we see light...
Words fail, but sometimes I try
a life redeemed from the pit