Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.
* * *
For many, many… mmaannyyy… years, I had a terrible time with these passages in the Bible. I had terrible parents; just horrible, horrible. The father was a mental case and abused all his children in both subtle and viscous ways. He abused us all within an inch of our lives. There were times the beatings were so savage I thought he would kill me… by accident! The mother was absent; cold; calculating. She had not one lick of mother instinct in her. I call her wolf-like because she sacrificed her children to her husband… so she would not have to work… so she could play with her art hobbies.
So… the Bible told me I needed to honor my mother and father. WHAT!!?? The idea was un-stomachable. I fought this with my whole entire being… for many, many, mmaannyy, years. I was incensed!
But a few years back, God held my hand and gently explained to me what this passage was trying to tell me. And after He explained it to me (through the voice of the Holy Spirit) I totally got it. And now it makes complete sense to my previous insensibilities.
Here’s what I was told…
“My dearest daughter, The reason I ask you to do this horrible thing, is so that it will go well with you and so that you will live a long, more peaceful, and joyous life. For a child, it’s the parents, or caregivers, or other adults who hold the most power over them and, because they have this amount of power and influence, and are imperfect humans, this will induce the most amount of pain for someone who is still a small child. This is true for ALL children, no matter how perfect the adults in their lives may be. Imperfect people will make mistakes. All people will make mistakes which bring great pain to little children.
So… because, the biggest resentment and anger you bear will be toward these powerful adults, then, if you can overcome the resentments and anger you hold, you will have gained a mastery over the biggest resentments you could have. And so, if you can gain mastery over these most intense feelings of powerlessness and fear, then, in turn, you will be able to gain mastery over any other resentments, toward anyone, you may be holding. After gaining mastery over these angers and resentments, gaining a mastery over all other resentments and angers will become much easier.
“You told your father the truth about how you felt growing up with him. This is a necessary part of honoring and forgiving that you must do. Yet you told him your feelings in a kind and gentle way. You honored him by doing this. He reacted badly to it, but you held back all your expectations of him. He did react badly but you did not fight with him. In this way you honored him. He did not want to have anything to do with you anymore; but you gave him the opportunity to start a new relationship with you… in truth and love. You did a good thing when you did this. This is also a part of honoring your father and mother.”
“You don’t have to reconcile with your parents if it’s too much for you to deal with their continued lack of respect. That is not what I’m asking you for. What I am asking of you is that you surrender your resentments toward them. Give the pain you feel… to Me. I am a very big God. I can handle any amount pain you are holding onto… to free yourself from it. Then you will be free. Then you will be free to go on to have a full and vibrant life.”
“You know how to forgive anyone – anything. I taught you how to do at an earlier time …”
* * *
I did this and found myself orphaned because of it… without parents anymore. I sank like a stone to the bottom of the sea afterwards as I became quite suicidal as a result. But again, God came to my rescue in the form of a very good therapist. And God even paid for most of my therapy Himself! He truly loves… all his children… and wants the best for them… always. But I did my part in that I reached out to a therapist for help. Then I got very nitty-gritty honest with this therapist about where I was at. Now I am no longer suicidal… at all! God was right. I went on to live a much better life than I ever had before.
~~Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great God and Father~~