Tags
Bible, child abuse, christianity, Family, Forgiveness, God, Jesus, Love, Mental health, Prayer, PTSD, relationships, spirituality, trauma, violence
A long time ago I read an article in a magazine. This was the way God spoke to me about my problem with my father. At the time, I was not ready for it, but it stuck with me… until I was ready.
[the magazine read thusly]
“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassion, understanding, and love. It worked for me then, and it has worked for me many times since, and it will work for me every time I am willing to work it. Some times I have to ask first for the willingness to work it, but it always comes.”
[Author Unknown]
Eventually, through a great deal of pain, I became willing to surrender to what God was asking me to do. To take the Bible’s advice. I began to pray for my father. I prayed that blessings would rain down on him like warm summer showers. On the East Coast where I grew up there were these wonderful rain showers during the summer. They provided relief from the heat and humidity.
Anyway . . . .
I prayed for the “S.O.B. -you-know-who-I’m-talking-about-God!” I was honest….. and I was loud!! After all, it did say I just had to say it, I did not have to mean it. I did not mean it. But I prayed for the S.O.B.Y.K.W.I.T.A.G anyway. Though I could barely stomach what I was saying, I prayed everything I wanted for myself, to be given to him. Peace, happiness, love, friendship, wealth, health, joy; and especially – wisdom! that it would be given to him. I did this as often as I remembered him… which was pretty darned often.
For sweating through this loathsome practice, three days later I was given a great reward.
I was lifted up to heaven, in a way, and got a bird’s-eye-view of my father as he was being seen through God’s eyes, and while I was there I learned something quite incredible. –A miracle-. All I can say about it was this: Love… Love and Compassion. As I looked down on him from the clouds, he appeared to be very small … gerbil-sized actually… and he was limping around with his head in a paper bag; making gerbil noises; “Erk, erk, erk”. And he was in a great, great deal of emotional pain.
I began to experience my father as something not big… not scary… but small and hurting. Not only was it his shrunken size that I saw (his bigness used to scare me terribly), but also being able to see how much emotional pain he was carrying, and how baffled he was by it all. My heart could not help but go out to him.
And so, for all the hard work I had put into it, I was given the ability to take a on full leap of forgiveness; a forgiveness for him I have kept in the inner most part of my heart. This forgiveness was so deep, so thorough, that I have been able to hold onto it to this very day. Never again have I hated him… not at any time.
ps: Both my parents are dead now. However, I was only able to forgive from afar. I hadn’t had anything to do with him personally since the time I finally talked to him (see the post below). He was too toxic for me to be around. He would have left me ragged. I had to know what I could handle… and what I couldn’t. My sister handled him. Apparently she could handle the sting… and that was ok. But I couldn’t, which was fine with God as I hadn’t ‘heard’ any God-word inside that told me it was safe for me to be near either of my parents.
Please read: “Why Must I Honor My Horrible Parents“ – to see an example of this kind of forgiveness.
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**Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great God and Father**
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lessonsbyheart said:
I experienced this sort of thing myself. Last year I took on a 6-month challenge to pray for a foreign mission…long story short, I prayed for several ministries, my family, and some people who bugged the snot out of me.
It took longer for me, but within a couple of months, I saw the snot-buggers as wounded, crippled lambs. Prayers changed from “fix them” to “bless them” to “Oh Lord, do you see these wounds? This little ear is almost torn off! You’ve got to heal them!” My heart was completely changed toward each of them.
\o/
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Anonymous said:
That’s so neat!! I really get what your talking about, having a complete change of heart toward people/institutions you really very much dislike (hate?) in your heart. It’s a ‘heart’ change to the soul isn’t it? It’s permanent. Something only God can do in one’s heart. When the heart changes, it’s permanent. It’s a paradigm shift that changes your whole outlook toward the person or institution. I wrote a post on what a paradigm shift is all about. I think I’ll re-post it.
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lessonsbyheart said:
Let me know when you do – I’d love to read it.
\o/
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Anonymous said:
I re-posted it. There are two posts…the first one is linked to the second.
https://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/one-of-the-definitions-of-a-miracle/
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lessonsbyheart said:
Thanks!
\o/
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karenharris137 said:
Wow, I am so glad God allowed me to find and read this,,My father betrayed me in a way that killed me, not literally, but where I actually tried to take my life…problem is he is dead, and I have prayed to forgive and move on…I know in my heart i love him, but i am also very angry and hurt, I feel like i must let this go. or I can never truly get better…thank you so much for your honesty and post.
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Anonymous said:
Thank you for all your encouragement.
It’s wonderful that you have become so aware of your need to clear out this wreckage with your father. I’m glad to hear you were not successful with your suicide efforts. I know you are angry and hurt because of what he did. I was so angry and hurt myself. In fact (and I know you deal with this too), I still am suffering from what what done to me. But the bitterness… the bitter water I was constantly drinking… has now been removed and I’m now a step up from where I used to be.
Speaking of suicide, I tried it several times, and failed (now I’m glad I failed). Here is another post I wrote on the subject of suicide.
https://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2013/10/03/a-suicide-obsession-recovery-story-2/
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Becki Duckworth said:
You are so very strong. It’s only been recently that I have been thinking about God. He has been ever present in my life I just don’t feel close. He saved me when I called out to him when I was being attacked and stabbed. The hand of God literally came up and knocked my attacker back after he stabbed me 21 times. My attacked then took me to the hospital. God saved my life, not just during the stabbing but several times. Most days I wake up and ask him why did he save me ?? Why did he save me when each day is another struggle. What is my purpose here on earth? There has to be some reason.. God has really shown his grace in your situation. I hope one day I am able to be in that place.
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anonymousonetoo said:
But I do feel the exact same way that you do in my own life. Why did God save me from so much (I also was attacked when I was 22 – but not physically hurt, which I think was a God-saving thing) when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it. I have a spiritual mentor though (we’re going through “The Way of Agape” book together) and she says that I’m like a Johnny Appleseed in that I plant these seeds but don’t get to watch them grow into trees. I think if I did, I’d get a big head or something from it.
You sound so much like me Becki, it’s uncanny. Maybe you’re sowing seeds like I’ve been told I am. My mentor says she’s gotten a lot from knowing me… but I can’t see that.
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Becki Duckworth said:
That’s a wonderful way to look at life. I sure have planted many seeds. Most people I meet and have known for years say the same about me and I just don’t see it either. I also have a mentor. I see her weekly. She keeps me grounded. When I was stabbed she took care of my sons and visited me every single day for the 13 months I was in the hospital. I always say if I am going to get to heaven it will be through he… She gets very angry with me and yells at me..”NO,THATS NOT HOW YOUR GETTING THERE”. I like to mess with her.
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