by Cindy Lauper
This pertains to Journal entry # 4.
About a week ago, I got some very interesting help with the projection I did during the Woman’s Weekend for my church.
I know there are many definitions of a miracle,
but I think this is truly one of them.
One of the definitions of a miracle is….a paradigm shift.
A Paradigm Shift is one of God’s miracles.
Because sometimes it takes God to produce that in us.
To find out what a Paradigm Shift is, Click HERE
I’m still abstaining from flour/sugar products. On the 15th it will be three months.
I was on the phone with my Overeater’s Anonymous (OA) sponsor last night and what came out was the word depression. She asked why the depression and I could only say; “I don’t know why.” So she suggested I write about it… which is why I’m writing about it.
Remember, I said I was going to write with complete abandon on this blog? Well this is one of those times. I’ve written this post entirely uncensored. I have written this with utter abandon.
* * *
So this morning I’ve been feeling sorry for myself… feeling like an abandoned little waif. This is difficult, writing so that you might read my stuff. I want to let my hair down a bit and allow you into my world. I wear my hair in a ponytail. It’s uncomfortable to leave it hanging down. This is difficult. Impossible? I will keep trying. Continue reading
Getting on my knees is getting harder and harder. I am railing against turning my life and will over to something other than myself. I am so used to taking care of me by myself. Funny… I need God to stay away from alcohol. I have a conscious connection with Him all day long… to stay sober. But this food business is a whole lot trickier than the alcohol. I am truly bewildered by it all.
I’ve been reading a book on Theophostic Prayer Ministry. Very interesting. Has anyone else heard about this type of therapy? As I was reading it, I noticed that it resonated with my own story. I have experienced more than several spontaneous (prayer induced) healings in my life that resulted in permanent heart-changing views about… who I was… what life was about… what I could overcome… and many other things.
abstinence, anti-social, child abuse, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, complex ptsd, compulsive overeating, God, Health, journaling, Mental health, mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Sadness, trauma
I feel so, so sad these last few days. My eyes look dead to me in the mirror. Life is sad. The days go by and nothing happens in them. I feel like I should cry but I can’t cry.
I am currently talking about abstaining from junk food, but what does this have to do with recovery?
Once upon a time there was a train. On this train were many passengers coming and going about their business. Some were reading their newspapers; some where furtively ‘people watching’; some were just looking out their windows at the scenery passing by.
Then a man got on the train. A man with his three little kids.
A long time ago I read an article in a magazine. This was the way God spoke to me about my problem with my father. At the time, I was not ready for it, but it stuck with me… until I was ready.
[the magazine read thusly]
Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.
* * *
Because of childhood abuse and a vicious attack, I have been dealing with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in therapy since my 20’s. I am in my 50’s now. But in November of 2010, my God (whom I call Papa; Pops for short) stepped in and released me from something attached to this PTSD, that was transforming.
Please click … HERE… to go to my blog.
This information is from a non-medical person so please take it as such, having this in mind.
I have told many personal friends who have difficulty with abstinence about this but no one yet has taken me seriously. This is why I am putting out this information. I want to tell other abstainers about this substance that has been doing miraculous things with my junk food cravings.
A post, by the author of “Follow His Light“ inspired me to write my own experience with this.
* * *
I am a sheep.
I used to be a ram, but now I am a sheep and I am glad to be one. I grew up in ramsville and was taught the ways of ram-hood by father and mother. Dad and mom were gods, and they told us… all their children… we were to be rams.
I went to a retreat with my church this weekend. I was so looking forward to going and making new friends with women from this church that I have just began to attend. I just began to attend there three or four months ago. I am not a ‘church hopper’. I plan to spend the rest of my life at this church, for the next twenty or thirty years or so I have left on this earth. I have been scouting churches since we moved to this new area two and a half years ago, and I think I have found it at this church.
How do I say this? How do I start this?
I want to write my story because I’m sure there are people out there who are caught by the title, and who cope with deep depression to the point of wanting to commit suicide as I once did. The desire to be gone from here hacked at me up to the age of 43. Then, one fateful day….. thanks be to God…..
It was taken.
For further information on this subject, please read:
” You Can Be Healed from the Guilt of an Abortion“
* * *
Before I go any further, I want to say that I think that all women should FIRST talk to someone who has had a difficult time after going through an abortion, BEFORE deciding on this option to deal with a pregnancy. Not all women suffer from going through it, but some women, after they abort, find themselves dealing with tremendous amounts of guilt. This may, or my not, apply to you.
To read my experience with this, please read:
“A Post Abortion Recovery Story“
* * *
My husband’s therapist did this for me. This is not my own invention.
She also did this for my husband who was suffering deep guilt as well.
* * *
I was asked, by my husband’s therapist, if I would be willing to try something that might help me recover from an abortion I had in 1989. After nine months of horrible excruciating guilt, I was ready to try anything.
I said “OK”.
I’m in an outpatient intensive program for food addiction. I’ve been going there three times a week for the last five weeks on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. But I went last Monday because my husband had a small surgery scheduled during my regular Tuesday time. This is where I met Dr Tom. I’d met him the week before because I wound up going on a Monday during that week as well. The man fascinated me. He’s into feelings…what they mean… what to learn from them… what to do with them. I think I can learn a lot from this man.
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I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.
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Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).
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if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...
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about grief, grace, and recovery from addiction